I Know You're In There (Odesta Blog)
by Laurensscribbles
Summary: It is a week after Annie's games and to cope with the post traumatic stress she is going through, Beetee suggests she starts a blog. However, since she is not mentally able to blog right away, Finnick starts off the blog for her and writes daily posts about her progress as well as other things.
1. Day 1

**Day 1**

So, it's seven days after Annie's games and I'm not going to lie, it's been tough for her. Many Victors are encouraged to take up hobbies after their games and Annie is no different. However, she has been disinterested in almost any activity we try to get her to take up. This is a new approach.

My name is Finnick Odair. You probably know who I am. Annie has been one of my best friends since we were kids so I've been helping her the best I can. I mean, it's the least I can do, right? She did the same for me. She sat on the beach with me every single day for two months as I angrily threw rocks into the ocean or tied knots until my fingers bled.

Beetee told me that blogging is a very up and coming trend, especially in District Three. Those damn nerds always know about the cool things in technology before we even realize it's cool. He told me to start this blog for Annie, especially since the sound of me typing calms her, and when she's ready she can take it up herself.

Annie always had a knack for English in school so i'm sure her blog posts will be better than mine. Also, I'm not very tech savvy. This morning Beetee taught me that you can use the shift key to make capital letters. I still use caps lock. Force of habit.

I'm not really sure when Annie going to want to take this blog into her own hands. She hasn't spoken or done any recreational activities since her games. Sometimes she'll write things on pieces of paper so we know what she wants, but mainly it's a charade. Most people have gotten frustrated, but I don't mind. She'll come around; these things take time.

I think I'll write daily just to update you on her health and all else that has been going on in the lives of Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. It's bound to be interesting.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	2. Day 2

Day 2

Annie's progress is pretty much the same. She did eat more today which I consider a really good thing. I put on one of those obnoxious floppy chef's hats and made her scrambled eggs. I burned the first batch (don't ask me how) but the second batch wasn't nearly as bad. She ate a little bit and then holed herself up in her room to stare out the window. That's really all she does is stare out at the beach. I suppose maybe she's thinking about things. It's a lot to have on your mind for a teenager. I feel like they expect us to handle too much.

I probably shouldn't be saying this but I think it's pretty ridiculous that people celebrate Victors. Sure, it's great that we get to come home and have all of this fame and all of these riches but that's about it. We come home and we're all mad. No, Annie is not the only mad Victor. Neither is Wiress. We're all mad in our own ways. I stay up all night sometimes because I am terrified to go to sleep. I am terrified that the horrible things I did in that arena will come back to haunt me. I was not brave. I was a coward. The Victors are not the bravest and strongest, but perhaps the weakest and most cowardly because we killed other children just to ensure our own safety. These are the kind of people out society looks up to: selfish, cowardly murderers. The real heroes, those who died with honor and bravery, those are the ones we should look up to; however those are the ones whose names are most often forgotten. Had I not killed all those people; had Annie not swam to Victory, would we be remembered, or would we be lost in the sea of nameless District Four tributes?

I'll update you on Annie's progress more tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	3. Day 3

**Day 3**

Both Annie and I are improving. I did not burn her eggs and she ate exactly half an egg as opposed to the quarter of an egg she ate yesterday. She also relocated to the porch swing in her backyard today and swung back and forth for hours. At least she's observing nature while actually being outside rather than observing it from her window. I may not be a doctor but I declare this progress.

Beetee came in today from Three to stay here for a little while. I think the Mayor wants help with some technological stuff that I do not understand and he also wanted to visit with us. He likes watching Annie a lot; it seems like he's always studying her, and that seems a little weird to me. I can't help but feel overprotective of her. We've been best friends since we were very young, and now that her father has passed, Annie doesn't have any close family left. I think she has some distant relatives from other Districts that have tried to contact her since she won the Games, but I'm pretty sure all they want from her is money.

Maybe I should share the story of how we met. No one really knows the story because it is a more personal side of myself that I don't share with the public, but why not? We met our first year in school when we were both five or six. Annie is a year younger than me in school, so the only classes we really had together were music and other classes all the kids took together. Then in my third year of school, I believe, Annie was put into a third year English class instead of a second year English class because she was so good at English. So she was this tiny little red headed mousey girl who sat up in the front and got picked on by a lot of the bigger boys because she was younger and quiet and smarter.

She used to sit on a bench out during lunch hour and read really thick books with words even I could't begin to comprehend. Then one day those boys walked up to and took her book and started to rip out the pages one by one. The teachers never really paid attention during lunch hours, so this poor little girl (whose name I did not even know yet) had to watch as these big older boys tore out page after page of her beloved book.

I was a little player back in school and I think even then girls found me quite attractive, so I was sitting on top of the monkey bars with a bunch of girls who would giggle and cling on to my every word even though I was only a third year boy and probably said nothing intelligent at all.

The monkey bars were my favorite part about lunch hour because when you sat on top of them you could see the entire outside area as well as a huge expanse of District Four that led all the way to the beach. From the money bars, District Four seemed infinite, and I liked that feeling. So I was on top of these metal monkey bars and I saw Annie being terrorized by these boys. So I dropped down and ran over to them and demanded that they stop. Now I'm not very smart now and I wasn't very smart back then, but i probably should have realized that five large boys against a short lanky gap toothed little flirt (A.K.A me) and a mousey little bookworm (A.K.A Annie) probably wasn't the best match.

I got beat up. No way of sugar coating it. They punched me in the face which earned me a black eye, and then I fell over and smashed my face into the pavement which earned me a broken nose. Not my finest moment. But I guess coming to a girl's rescue earns you her respect (she probably felt sorry for me), even if you lose because she walked me to the nurse and we've been best friends ever since.

I feel like I've been writing more and more and I'm actually beginning to enjoy this little daily blogging. More updates and possibly even more stories tomorrow.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	4. Day 4

**Day 4**

Beetee came over today and kept asking Annie questions about "her mental status." She just kept starting straight ahead and not saying anything. I wonder what she's thinking when she gets like that. I must be a whirlwind in her mind and I wish I could do more to help her. What I'm doing now just doesn't seem enough. I wish I can take all of her suffering away.

Something strange happened after Beetee left. I drew Annie a bath because I thought maybe the warm water would calm her. I brought her into the bathroom and led her to the water and she put her hands over her ears and started to scream.

I'm not going to lie, it really freaked me out. Seeing her like that, with her face twisted in pain as she screamed at the top of her lungs. And I caused it. Beetee raced up the stairs when she started screaming and starting asking questions and he was really irking me with his analysis so I did what any rational person would do: I slapped him.

I've been under a lot of stress lately. My best friend is detached from the world, Capitol clients have been pestering me since I've been away for so long, and I don't need this geek poking and prodding Annie about "her mental status" when she's in the middle of a mental breakdown.

Beetee left and I honestly didn't feel too bad about it. That man has really been overstepping his boundaries lately. Mags came over and took Annie into her room and when she came back out Annie was sleeping and I was told not to bother her. I felt like a little kid with her telling me what to do and what not to do. But I guess that's the level I stopped to today; I slapped Beetee so I became a kid.

I'm really tired so I think I'm going to take a nap. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	5. Day 5

**Day 5**

Today Mags wouldn't let me near the house because Annie was just a mess. I feel horrible about the whole thing. I feel like it's all my fault that she got the way she did with the water. I was only trying to help, but I guess I should have known better.

I had a pretty good chat with Beetee today (who thankfully did not hold a grudge over the slap). He explained he just cares about Annie and he's trying to help. For Beetee, this is the only way he knows how to help. I guess that makes sense coming from District Three and all. They have very concrete ways of doing things and sometimes would rather push aside emotions for the sake of analysis. It's all very strange to me, but I'm sure they find it strange that my idea of fun is stabbing fish with giant sticks.

I think this thing with Annie has been hard on all of us. Trauma usually tests relationships and it's really testing everyone close to Annie. I think we're all dealing with it pretty well, but it's only been 12 days since she won the games so we'll see. The Victory Tour will test us all in an entirely different way.

I know this is short, but I'm nodding off as I type this. Nightmares have kept me up lately.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	6. Day 6

**Day 6**

I spent the whole day at the beach. Beetee went home and Mags stayed with Annie who is still pretty delirious and unresponsive. She barely eats and says absolutely nothing to anyone.

I've been enjoying this blog thing. I know it's really Annie's blog, but until she wants to actually use it, I'm going to use this. It's nice. It's an outlet for me to get my feeling out. I'm not sure if anyone actually reads it but it's nice to at least get my thoughts down.

It's been tough on me lately. I mean I don't want to seem like I'm complaining, but it has been hard. Annie was a trooper when I was going through the same thing so I know I have to be the same way for her. However, sometimes I feel like I wasn't nearly as bad as her; like it was a burden for her to stand by me but it's even harder for me to stand by her. I wasn't completely detached from the world like she is, I was just a little broken. I still am.

Sometimes I wish I had a different life. I know that's pretty horrible of me to say because I could have it so much worse, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows being me. Everyone thinks of me as the "famous Finnick Odair" this attractive Capitol heartthrob who has won the hearts of millions with my heroic fight to victory in the arena. That's the nice way of putting it. I was a fourteen year old who was petrified out of my mind, so to save myself I brutally killed everyone who crossed my path and now I sleep with hundreds of Capitol socialites a year to prevent anything bad from happening to me or anyone I love.

I'm afraid that Snow is going to do this to Annie. Annie is not ugly-not that looks really matter in the business-and I'm scared to death that he's going to sell her as he did me. She's gone through too much already. I hear what people say about her. They say she shouldn't have won. They say she only won because she could swim. They didn't flood the arena until the last day when there were four tributes left. She lasted that long by herself and she lasted for a long time after she had snapped because Adrian, her district partner, was beheaded right in front of her.

The Capitol people are so stupid. They pick on all the tributes and call them weak. Those Capitol wimps wouldn't last five minutes in an arena. They pick on Annie and call her "mad." Well, you would be mad too if you went through half the shit my Annie has been through. Annie is the strongest, bravest, kindest, most beautiful girl I've ever met and I'm glad she's my best friend. She's going through a tough time right now but she'll get through it and I'll be right here with her to make sure she's okay.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	7. Day 7

** Day 7**

Happy week-a-versary to Annie's dear readers. It's still her blog so I give her the credit. She seemed a little happier today. I got to see her and I almost saw a bit of a smile grace her lips. Mags told me she's just been extra detached lately. We laid on the porch swing all day with a blanket and looked out at the ocean from a distance. I honestly think it would be so therapeutic for her if she took a walk on the beach with me. The beach used to be our haven. It's really a haven for anyone from District Four. It's just a place where we all feel safe and at home.

Mags thinks she's not ready for it yet. There are too many people on the beach and it could spark an anxiety attack. Annie has always been a little claustrophobic and there's no telling what will set her off. One day she can be in a crowded elevator and be perfectly calm, but the next day a crowded flea market could send her into a complete frenzy.

I really want to take her to the beach, but I really can't disobey Mags because if I send Annie into another panic attack I might be banned from seeing her again and that can't happen. Maybe I'll try to see her when I get back. I need to go to the Capitol on business for a few days so I think I'll hand over the blog to Mags for a few days. I actually think Mags is better with computers than I am, so she can update you on Annie's progress while I'm away.

I really hate going to the Capitol but I guess I really can't complain about it. I'm sure most people would love going to the Capitol, especially those from the outlying districts. Four is more of a Career district- not as extravagant as One or Two, but better than the others-so I have more luxuries than others and even more so now that I live in the Victor's Village. The Capitol, however, is a totally different matter. It's amazing there. Screens in hotel rooms, tvs the size of walls, 37 different shower settings, ways to order food by pressing a few buttons, etc.

I'm done with complaining. I'm probably going to check on Annie one last time and then take a nap so I'm well rested for my trip. I never get any sleep in the Capitol.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	8. Day 8

**Day 8**

Mags here, updating the blog for Annie while Finnick is away. Annie has been doing alright. I think she misses Finnick, though she obviously doesn't say it. It's good to surround her with people like Finnick, Beetee, Johanna, and myself. We've all been through similar things in varying degrees.

My own games seems like a lifetime ago and even sometimes I am still plagued by the horrors I faced in that arena. There have been 70 Hunger Games. Many children have died at the hand of this government, and even those that remain are cursed with a kind of ailment that most don't understand unless they've gone through it themselves.

I think Finnick has been dealt a pretty tough hand. I admire him so much because he rarely complains; he just bucks up and does what he's supposed to. His father died in a fishing accident when he was three years old. I've known the Odair family for a very long time, so I helped Finnick's mother when she got a job so it wasn't as stressful for her with Finnick. Then when he was twelve his mother suffered a horrible accident at work, and she was put into a nursing home. Finnick lived at home by himself, and though I offered to let him stay with me, he insisted on getting a job and doing his own thing. He visited me frequently, especially for meals since dinner was not his strong point. He visited his mother in the home often and skipped school frequently to work extra shifts at his job. He was determined to support himself and not live off of my money.

I think he resented the Victors a bit. They always seemed so pompous to him. Well, he wasn't wrong; a lot of them were, but I was willing to help him in any way I could, granted that he would take it. His mother passed away just before the 65th Hunger Games, and by then he had completely dropped out of school. I tried to help him as much as I could because at this point I was convinced he was completely drowning in a deep and horrible depression. He wouldn't eat; he barely worked; he just stayed in bed and curled up in the dark.

I had to drag him out of the house for the reaping. Even though his mom had recently passed away, he was still not exempt from the reaping. So I had to drag this fourteen year old out of a room that reeked of body odor and other indescribable smells, shove him in a shower, force him into an outfit so that he looked presentable, and drag him to the reaping.

He was reaped. I dragged this poor boy, whose only remaining family member had just died, to a reaping and he was reaped. This was the closest I had ever been to one of my tributes, so I knew I had to mentor this boy as hard as I could because if he died in that arena, I would never have forgiven myself.

I used to always tease the other mentors and say, "Thank goodness, he's pretty," but it really was the truth. He had skills; there's no doubting that, but he wasn't very eager to put them in action. Putting an already suicidal boy into an arena where he is very likely to be killed is not a very good idea. He had just given up at that point.

I don't know how I did it, but I was able to coax him into actually working to get out of that arena. So once he started working, his combat skills combined with his good looks and charming personality made him a huge contender.

I thank every day that he made it out of the arena. I don't know what I would have done if I lost him. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a son, and Annie is the closest thing I've ever had to a daughter.

Annie's story isn't the best either. Sometimes it's a wonder these two are even with us at all. They have each other though, so I think they'll be okay. Annie's mother died when she was born from birth complications, so her father had to raise her on his own. He worked so hard to support his daughter and he loved her more than anything. They had such an amazing bond.

Annie worked harder than Finnick did at school. Annie worked harder than anyone in that school. If she had finished her schooling I suspect she could have been a teacher or some high up representative in the Capitol. The games ruined her schooling though. She was reaped and her schooling was halted. I highly count she'll go back now. She'll turn into a full time mentor soon anyway.

Part of what sent Annie into her complete meltdown (besides the beheading) was that when she came back she found out her father had been in a freak accident and was dead. It crushed her. She was wailing and screaming the entire ride home, as if the whole world was crashing down on her. I could see it crushed Finnick to see her like that too. He had been a mess the entire games. Besides them being best friends for years, I still saw something happening.

Honestly, I don't think Annie's father's death was any accident. It is very common for the Capitol to lash out on the families of Victors and tributes if they didn't like what went on in the arena. Annie was not in the running to win. No one thought she would win and it probably upset many people. So the Capitol probably took it out on her father. That sickens me when they do that. First of all, Annie didn't even do anything, and even if she did, why would you take it out on their families. Because killing families is what hurts them the most. Sometimes this government we live in absolutely disgusts me.

It's been tough for both these kids and they have a long way to go but I think their friendship (as well as whatever else they may have going on because I see something between them) will pull them through.

I'm stopping for now. More tomorrow.

Mags


	9. Day 9

**Day 9**

Mags here again. I'll be writing until Finnick gets back, which could take as few as three days but as many as seven. The trip lengths always vary. He might call tonight to check in and then I can be sure of the length of his trip. It always worries me when he's away. He may be 19 but I still act like a worried mother when it comes to him. He seems so frail when you really get to know him and sometimes I'm afraid he can snap at any moment. Annie keeps her emotions on the surface so it's a little easier to tell when she might snap, but Finnick keeps his emotions bottled up. He usually seems like a very happy boy but I know that's not the case. He has a lot of pressure put on him for such a young age. It's been five years since his games and he's constantly in the spotlight. Every year when the games come around people want to relive his games and talk about what an amazing tribute he was.

I know he hates reliving his games. He's not proud of what he did in that arena. Trust me, most people aren't. It's a desperate time in there and many people do things they wouldn't normally do. I was reaped when I was sixteen. The games weren't as dramatized as they were today. They didn't try to create unnecessary drama by adding back stories and pumping up rivalries. They just televised good old fashioned murder. Still sick, I know. The things I did in my games get a little less painful as I get older, but I'll still never forget what happened and what I had to do to get here. I spent the whole game in a two personal alliance with Jace, my district partner. He was eighteen, very handsome, and certainly the front runner to win. There weren't really clear cut career districts back then. The Capitol hadn't begun to realize that sometimes One, Two and Four would train their tributes. It was a very long time ago and the games were just beginning at that point.

A few tributes from One and Two, as well as many others, wanted to work with Jace, however Jace had told me from the beginning that he wanted to stick together and work with me. No one knew it, but we were the perfect team. He was smart and quick. Even if he had never seen a certain weapon before, he would be able to pick up anything and be an expert with it within minutes. I was resourceful. I knew about all the edible plants, how to set traps, how to weave baskets, how to make a fishing hook out of anything. He would protect us from other tributes and I would make sure we were well fed and wouldn't get killed by anything in the arena.

Jace didn't want to work with anyone else. He told me he didn't trust anyone else from the other districts. He only trusted me because I was from home. So we worked together and we were unstoppable. We were the only tributes from the same district left on the very last day. It was down to three: us two and the male tribute from District Seven. He was coming after us so I climbed up a tree out of pure instinct. Jace followed me but the male from Seven was hot on his trail and injured him in his leg. I was able to hop over to the next tree without the other tribute knowing and Jace distracted him. I climbed down and was able to stab him in the back and kill him. He was the only tribute I killed.

Jace came down from the tree and his leg was horribly injured. I tried my best to nurse him back to health, but as an hour passed it became evident that he probably wouldn't make it. No sponsors gifts came because sponsors didn't really give gifts until a few games after mine. The games in the beginning were all about the killing and the pure instinct of the tributes. it was less like a reality show and more like animals in the wild.

We knew one of us was going to have to die; they had to have their Victor. We spoke about it for a while. I would kill myself so he could get back home and get better. He refused. His leg would have to be amputated, and that would do him no good in District Four. He wouldn't be able to swim anymore and that made him as good as dead. We spent a while just cuddled up together and I'm sure the Capitol wasn't very happy about that. This was before the game makers really interfered in the arena though so nothing happened. He kissed me lightly on the lips before we fell asleep that night. I didn't think anything of it. The next morning I woke up and he had a knife through his heart; his cold, lifeless hand firmly wrapped around mine. He had killed himself so that I could win.

There was a lot of scandal surrounding "the lovers from District Four" when I got out. They said that we were dating and just didn't say anything about it or that Jace was secretly in love with me. The first part was obviously not true; I barely knew him before the games. He was a fisherman's son and I was the daughter of a shopkeeper. We were in two entirely different social classes so we barely ever crossed paths. For a long time I denied the latter theory. Jace, or Jason as I later learned was his real name, was this older handsome experienced boy and I was this mousey plain little girl who barely ever held a boy's hand.

Whenever I think about Jace and me, I think about Finnick and Annie. Our stories are similar and yet different. Jace and Finnick: the fishermen's sons, the handsome charismatic, Capitol favorites. Annie and myself: the shopkeeper's daughters: plain yet beautiful in that way only really special boys can understand, mousey yet loud around the people they care the most about, the underdogs in the Capitol, who despite all odds proved everyone wrong and prevailed.

Sure, Annie and Finnick are a bit different. They know each other and they weren't in the same games. They're lucky for that. But they have their own sets of obstacles to overcome. I have no doubt they can do it. Love, whether it be friendship or relationship or family, always prevails.

Sorry for the long-winded entry. An old woman like myself has nothing else to but look back on the past. Annie is doing alright. Her appetite has increased considerably. She ate the entire plate of eggs I gave her this morning and then after staring at it for a while, she started to gnaw at the seaweed roll Finnick had brought for her before he left. She misses him.

Johanna is coming to visit tomorrow. She always keeps me company when I'm feeling lonely. She has become like a daughter to me after all the games we've been through together. I'm thinking maybe she can entertain Annie for a bit. Annie and Johanna could not be any more different, but I'm sure they will get along. Johanna and Finnick became very good friends over the years. She visits whenever she gets tired of the "hell hole that is my home district." She usually complains when she visits District Four, but I think that's just an emotional wall she puts up. She never lets anyone know what she's feeling for fear of appearing weak. If Finnick bottles up his feelings, then Johanna has completely attempted to dissolve them. She's always very interesting to be around. She always gives me a laugh. Maybe I'll attempt to show her how to work the computer and she can write tomorrow's entry. District Seven is one of the worst districts when it comes to technology but I'm sure she can at least type.

Until tomorrow,

Mags


	10. Day 10

**Day 10**

It's Mags again. I believe Finnick is going to be home tomorrow so this may be the last entry for me. Annie was eating a bit more today. She only eats eggs and the seaweed bread that Finnick left. It's not the most nutritious meal, but it could be worse. I've been slipping protein powder into her water anyways so she can keep her strength up.

I've been sleeping at Annie's since she's been home, especially since Finnick is no longer here to obsess and say he'll stay over. Even when he says he'll go home I always hear him slipping in the back to sleep on the couch downstairs. He worries about Annie too much. I mean I understand that he's worried about his friend, but you know how I am, I think they have something that goes deeper than friendship.

I'm using the laptop in Annie's living room while Annie is upstairs taking a nap. Johanna is at my house but I told her to come over when she's ready. She usually sleeps late and then does whatever. Johanna is a free spirit.

I met Johanna during her games which were four years after Finnick and one year ago. She won the 69th Hunger Games. I remember how surprised everyone was when she won. I wasn't surprised at all. After mentoring as many games as I have you start to learn what it takes to make a Victor. Everyone always says that the Careers are the front runners. Everyone always pays attention to the training scores and nothing else. I pay attention to the interviews, the training sessions, and overall just their personalities.

Johanna was smart. She played an extremely strategic game. She pretended to be this extremely helpless little girl. She didn't do anything in training and she messed with her training score so it was low. She did everything she could to make sure she wasn't seen as a threat. It was a risky move no doubt. They could have either kept her around because they didn't see her as a threat or they could have just killed her right then and there because she was so weak. Fortunately for her they decided to keep her around until there only about six or seven other tributes left. Then when a Career was about to kill her and it seemed like Johanna, the weakest player in the games, was finally going to die, she pulled out an ax and buried it in his chest. She killed all of them, proving that she was not only a worthy Victor, but also one of the best strategists to date.

Johanna has been reading my post for about five minutes or so. I guess I need to get better at realizing when people are behind me. I'm going to go check on Annie so I'll leave the posting to her.

whatdoidowaitwhyisitalljumbled oh i found the space what is the point of a big bar that spaces this should be clearly labeled now i need to find the period this may take me a second see in district seven my hell hole of a home we use paper and pens not this weird button key thing. found the period. now how do i make big letters. capital letters or whatever. there should be a big button that says it maybe the tab. no that is not it. FOUND IT. NO HOW DO I TURN IT OFF IS THERE AN OFF BUTTON. I DON'T LIKE THIS. MAGS IS TAKING TOO LONG AND IT LOOKS LIKE I'M SCREAMING AND I ONLY TYPE WITH ONE FINGER AND MAYBE IF I PRESS THE BUTTON AGAIN. Got it. Okay. I think thats enough computer for a century. But she isnt back. What even is the point of this blog if Annie doesn't write it. Im proud of her. No one thought she could win except maybe Finnick but Finnick is so deliriously in love with that girl and completely in denial about it that you can't even hold a conversation about it. I tried to talk to him about it before he went into the games because the only thing harder than going into the games yourself is having someone you love go into the games. He didn't deny that. He said he loves Annie as a friend. I should put quotes around that because that is the biggest load of bullshit Ive heard in a long time. I just realized I should find the other thing. The thing you use to make words go together. The one that looks like a comma in the air. Ive been out of school for so long that I cant even remember the name. APOSTROPHE. WHERE IS IT. SHIT I HIT THE LOUD BUTTON AGAIN. I FORGET WHAT ITS CALLED OH LOOK ' THAT THING. THAT'S THE APOSTROPHE. NOW HOW DO I GET OFF OF THE LOUD BUTTON. WHY IS THERE A GREEN LIGHT. oh. GREEN IS LOUD. when it's off it's soft. I KIND OF LIKE THE LOUD BUTTON. I AM ASSERTING MY POWER OVER YOU PUNY PEOPLE ON YOUR STUPID KEY MACHINES OR COMPOOTERS OR NO THAT'S NOT IT COMPUTERS. THERE WE GO. DISTRICT SEVEN EDUCATION AT IT'S FINEST EVERYONE. PICK UP AN AX HERE ARE SOME VERBS NOW GO CUT DOWN A TREE. MAGS IS BACK AND SHE'S JUST LAUGHING AT ME. I AM GLAD THAT MY LACK OF KNWLEDGE NO I SPELLED THAT WORD WRONG MAGS IS TELLING ME TO PRESS DELETE BUT **OH WELL I'LL JUST LEAVE IT WAIT WHY IS IT BLACK. WHY IS IT LIKE THIS** I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU PRESSED BUT THANK YOU MAGS. I'M DONE WITH THIS STUPID CONTRAPTION.

Mags here again. I would delete Johanna's section (I was really just trying to entertain her) but after reading it I realize it's way too funny to delete. She's worse than Finnick with computers. Now she's sitting next to me and asking how I type so fast because I type with two fingers instead of one. She should see the people in Three. They'll be three years old and they're typing at lighting speed and able to take a computer apart and put it back together again. Those kids are geniuses.

I think I'm going to stop here soon. I had to help Annie get dressed because she tends not to get dressed unless I help. I may try to get her in the shower because she needs to be washed but ever since the bath incident she's been avoiding all water even showers. She was fine with showers right after her games but now she isn't. I might take Johanna to the beach also. She usually ends up screaming at the seagulls. Finnick will be back tomorrow but maybe he'll let me write a post or two every once in a while. I enjoy this. It gives me something to do.

Until then,

Mags


	11. Day 11

**Day 11**

Mags here again. Finnick stumbled into his house at four A.M. this morning so I'm just going to blog today. That boy will probably sleep for most of the day and even into tomorrow depending on how hard the clients were and how much alcohol he consumed. I for one don't approve of the boy having any alcohol, but who am I? The Capitol doesn't care if Finnick's mentor doesn't want him to drink. There really isn't a clear cut rule on when kids can start to drink here. It usually depends on the family. I don't really like him drinking especially when he's in the Capitol with all these strange people. If he was with me then maybe it would be a little different, but he's with older people in the Capitol and who knows what they'll get him to do if they get him drunk.

Do I approve of his business in the Capitol? No. Do I have a choice? No. We're all dealt different hands as Victors. Some get sold. Some have their families killed. I wasn't sold. I don't think they felt I was pretty enough. Not that attractiveness completely matters to the clients. They killed the only family I had left though. The reason being that they didn't feel I was a deserving winner. They felt I got to the end soley because I was with Jace and if I din't have Jace I wouldn't have gotten as far as I did. Maybe they're right, but Jace and I were a team. He had the combat skills but eating a poisonous plant could have killed him had I not been there with him. He probably would have died of dehydration or starvation without me and without him I may have been able to just hide and stay under the radar. I think I would have lasted longer without him than he would have without me.

They killed my older brother and I was angry about it for a long time. I blamed myself and became very suicidal and very depressed. Dewy was basically my father. Our dad had left us when we were very young. I think he was afraid. Of what, I don't know. Our mother raised us herself and Dewy dropped out of school and became a clam monger so he could feed us because even the shop wasn't enough to help us. Mother wasn't happy that Dewy dropped out, but she couldn't deny she needed the help. She died when I was fourteen and I dropped out of school, despite Dewy's protests, to help support us. I worked in town at a bakery and that's when I met my best friend, Alex and Brooks. Brooks's parents owned the bakery so he was always around when I was working. Alex was kind of like myself. She lived on her own with her dad who was an alcoholic so in order to support herself as well as her dad's addiction, she needed to work. She often worked overtime so she didn't have to go home and sometimes she even went home with myself or Brooks.

We three were misfits. The daughter of the alcoholic, the practical orphan, and the baker's son. Brooks was the youngest of seven so he barely ever got attention from his parents. He was one of those who acted out in school because he wasn't used to getting attention at home. He got expelled when he was fifteen for a prank that ended in the school being closed for a week. Let's just say Brooks wasn't allowed in his house for a good week because his parents were so angry. They got over it though. Alex dropped out about the same time as me as well because she needed to work. Dropouts weren't as common in districts like One, Two, and Four because families could support themselves better but I had found a group of exceptions.

Brooks and Alex became my rocks. We all supported each other and became closer than we were to our families even. Then I got reaped and Alex seemed to resent me a little bit when I got back. I think she was afraid the Capitol had changed me. Brooks never left me though. He knew I needed him then more than ever. Then Dewy was killed in a "freak accident" that was obviously the Capitol's doing and Alex moved in full time with me. Brooks was two years older than Alex and me so being eighteen he was able to move out and do as he pleased. He stayed at the bakery where Alex and Brooks still worked, but he tended to stay with me a lot. Had it not been for Brooks and Alex, I don't think I ever would have made it past my dark phase. The nightmares, the depression, the suicidal tendencies, they helped me with all of it.

Alex married some fisherman's son who hung out with us a lot. I thought 18 was a little young to be married but he was 21 and they cared about each other so much. She wasn't around as much after she married and it wasn't the same. Brooks was there for me though and I was there for him, just as it had been for years.

They always say you marry your best friend. I never believed it. Alex was best friends with Brooks and she didn't marry him. It was cliche and dumb. But I suppose there was some truth in it for me. Especially after Alex married, Brooks became my best friend. So when we married, no one was surprised. Not one person. I was 23 and he was 25. He was the love of my life up until the end when he died of old age at 70. That was 7 years ago and I still miss him everyday. But I have Finnick and Annie and all the other mentors. Alex is gone too. I outlived all of my friends. It's okay though. I've learned to appreciate the little things you find in every day.

I apologize again for the complete tangent that I went off on. I do enjoy story telling and this is a good way to do it for me. It's good therapy, spilling out all these stories. If only Annie or Finnick or Johanna did it more. Those kids need to stop bottling things up. I'm going to check on Annie and see how she's doing. She's been on the swing for hours. Johanna was taking a walk on the beach so I need to make sure she isn't terrorizing any seagulls. I also need to see if Finnick is still sleeping. I don't want to wake him up but I also don't want him to sleep the whole day away. I'm sure Annie and Johanna want to see him.

Mags


	12. Day 12

**Day 12**

Hi, It's Finnick. I'm finally back from my business in the Capitol. I'm glad to see that Mags was able to handle the blog while I was gone while also taking care of Annie and Johanna who dropped by as well. Johanna is a little crazy; at least that's what I thought when I met her. She was this fiery 15 year old with jet black hair and unevenly tanned skin and freckles all over her face. She always wore really short shorts even when it wasn't that warm out and long sleeves even if it was hot out. I always thought it was a weird combination, shorts and long shirts, but I always figured her arms got colder than her legs. That was, of course, not the reason.

We're kind of a rag tag bunch of Victors. I'm the one whom everyone thought was going to win, but up until a few days before the games, completely considered jumping off that pedestal before the gong went off. Mags was the resourceful quiet one whom everyone thought shouldn't have won. I think Mags deserved to win. I think Jace had it in his head all along that Mags was going to win. He was going to get as far as he could with her to help her but he knew in his heart she could have done it alone. Maybe he was the one who needed her, not the other way around. Johanna is the strategist, the one whom everyone thought could barely hold a knife but proved them wrong. She proved to be a killing machine when the time came; she just needed to follow her plan. Then there's my Annie. The quiet one whom everyone thought wouldn't be able to win. She is not unlike Mags to be honest. Annie stayed with Aiden, her district partner, most of the game until his death. They were a good team. He was smart and could kill people when he needed to, and she was resourceful, careful, and patient.

Annie is a lot stronger than anyone gives her credit for and I honestly want to put that out there. I know I've probably said it before and Mags has already told stories that prove it, but I just want to reiterate it. It really boils my blood that Annie is known as "the mad victor." Annie is not the only person in the world with mental problems. She is not the only Victor with mental problems. Honestly, if you walk out of that arena and you're completely fine, I think there's a problem with you. There's nothing easy about being a Victor. Everyone thinks that it's so easy; they think the hardest part was the arena. That's far from true. Victors get luxuries and safety but that's about it for the positives. They also get nightmares, guilt, dead families, sold bodies, cameras on them day and night, the pressure of mentoring young children just like yourself and knowing that most of the time those children are going to die; the pressure of knowing that no matter what you do to help these kids, that's still sometimes not enough.

I guess I really need to stop complaining because this is how my life is; this is how all of our lives are and I'm sure people have it much worse. I just worry every moment for Annie because sometimes I think about how maybe she won't be okay and maybe she won't get better and I won't have my best friend anymore. And I know that's completely selfish of me but maybe I need to be selfish sometimes because I miss her. I miss my Annie and I just want her to get better because I love her so much and seeing her suffer like this hurts me more than anyone can ever know.

I think I'm just going to stop writing here because I have a headache.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	13. Day 13

**Day 13**

Today was a pretty good day. Mags told me I could take Annie out for a walk on the beach. She held my hand and we walked along the beach far away from the water. The when I got a little tired I sat down on the blanket I had brought with me and we just lay there in silence. I honestly don't mind the silence most of the time. When you're as close to someone as I am with Annie, silence doesn't have to be awkward; it can be comforting.

She eventually fell asleep with her head in my lap and I played with her hair while she slept. Usually she doesn't sleep for long before she is woken up by a nightmare, but she slept for a good hour or so before I carried her back to the house. She didn't even wake when I put her in her bed. I guess she needs the sleep.

Whenever you're friends with the opposite sex, there are always questions about whether or not you're dating. People ask if Annie and me are dating all of the time but we are not and never have. A lot of people say it's almost impossible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex without at least one of them experiencing feelings for the other at one time or another. I used to always think they were wrong because I've been friends with Annie for most of my life and I have never liked her and as far as I know she has never liked me. But today was weird. When she was sleeping in my lap, I found myself studying every inch of her face and realizing just how beautiful she is. Annie isn't that striking beautiful where you look at her right away and think that she's gorgeous. She's more of this subtle beautiful that creeps up on you as time passes. And I like that better because that means you really have a chance to fall in love with every part of Annie. You fall in love with her personality and her quirks and her body and her face and her hair and her smile and her eyes. Everything.

I think I'm falling in love with her.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	14. Day 14

**Day 14**

I hung out with Johanna all day because Mags was taking Annie to see a therapist in the Capitol. I'm not sure the therapist is going to help though. Annie doesn't even speak to us so how is a therapist going to be able to diagnose and help her if she doesn't even speak? It's Mag's decision I suppose.

I like hanging with Johanna, but sometimes she makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I never know what she's thinking. She's been through a lot in the arena and I'm sure she's been through a lot back at home too, but she won't tell us anything. Any time I try to get her to tell me things, she won't say anything. She prefers to keep everything bottles up inside. I mean, I'm not really an open book either. I will keep a lot of things to myself because I hate the idea of putting my emotional burdens on someone else. However, if I trust the person enough I tell them everything.

We ended up stealing some of the liquor from Mag's cabinet which she had from when Brooks was alive. Mags barely ever drinks herself so I highly doubt she'll notice it's gone. Johanna is only 16 but there really isn't a definite drinking age. She told me that people in Seven usually start drinking at a very young age and she has also had alcohol because of the Capitol parties she went to on her victory tour.

We hung out just drinking and swinging on the porch swing, when Johanna started getting kind of tipsy. She's young and I'm not completely sure how much she's had to drink before so she probably can't hold her alcohol as well as I can. Then I think she passed the line between tipsy and drunk because she started talking about her past.

Her mother left when she was young because her mother was always more of a free spirit. I don't think Johanna was really planned so I think her mother freaked out and left. Then her father was devastated that she left and he abused Johanna from a very young age. Then when Johanna was 13 she started to think she was gay and he found out and went completely ballistic so she went to go live with an aunt. Then her aunt died but Johanna didn't want to go back to her father so she stayed alone in her aunt's house and had to hide from the Capitol so they wouldn't put her in an orphanage.

Then she got reaped which of course sucks. So on top of her having a pretty sucky life, she also was probably going to die. She knew she kind of had some skills and could possibly win the games but she also knew that she would be a huge target if she showed off, so she played it weak until the end.

I don't know if Johanna remembers telling me all of this because she's sobered up since then and she hasn't said anything about it. I'm glad she told me though even if she wasn't drunk. I feel closer to her now that I know more about her.

Should I stop here?

Yeah.

Finnick


	15. Day 15

**Day 15**

Annie and Mags got back really late last night so they've been sleeping all day. Mags popped her head in when she got home though. I was still up. I don't sleep much anymore. She told me the therapist couldn't help Annie because Annie won't speak to him. I obviously didn't say it, but I kind of told her so.

Johanna was going to go back home but I kind of felt weird letting her go back after she told me all that stuff. So I told her everything she told me and she just sat there and listened. Then when I finished she nodded her head and said, "You don't hate me now do you? Heaven knows everyone else does." I just hugged her after that. I didn't really know what else to say.

I would write more but I'm kind of reaching a stand still with this blog. I didn't do anything today and there's not much more I want to write.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	16. Day 16

**Day 16**

Annie was doing well today. It was good to see her and she didn't seem too distant today. Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever talk again. I really wish I could help her because I understand what it's like to be going through what she's going through. She lives in a world where she feels guilty for all those deaths she caused and she relives those situations in her head every day because she knows there is nothing she can do to bring those poor children back. She feels like she should be the one dead or maybe killing herself now will put an end to her misery. She feels that distancing herself from the world will help so she shuts her mind down and doesn't speak because she hopes that maybe, just maybe, that will relieve some of the pain.

I miss her talking. Back in year five (well she was in year four but she took year five english with us because she's smart) she got sent to the principal's office for talking too much. I felt bad because she had been talking to me and she looked very nervous about going to the principal's office because she had never been there before. So I talked to one of my friends and we both got shushed but I wasn't sent to the principal's office. I was actually trying to get sent to the principal's office so I could be with Annie because I felt bad that it was basically my fault she was there in the first place. So I stood up, turned around, and mooned the teacher which resulted in a ticket which is basically like primary school detention. So I had to stay out of recess for a week and I got a call home to my mom who was very upset (she calmed down a bit when I told her I did it for Annie) and grounded me for a week. But I accomplished my mission and got sent to the principal's office where Annie and I sat together and made funny faces at each other until the principal could finally see us.

The principal was shocked to see Annie and less than thrilled to see me. You see, the principal and I had a horrible relationship. I was a year five so I was almost done with primary school, and yet I had one of the worst records in the school. I was smart and my teachers generally liked me for that reason, but I was also a complete and total flirt as well as an all around class clown. I had gotten sent to the principal's office more times than I could count and it was only primary school. I had gotten at least one or two tickets a year (my record was five in year four because my teacher absolutely hated me) and had pulled countless pranks on the last day of school. My record best was the box of frogs I let loose in the principal's office which almost resulted in my expulsion, however, my mom had argued that it was my last day of primary school, so there was nothing the principal could really expel me from. Anyways, as soon as he saw Annie in there as well as myself, he immediately glared at me and blamed me for the whole thing. Then he looked at our slips (Annie was pink which was a normal principal slip and mine was yellow because I had to be assigned a ticket) and saw that our teacher had written down that Annie was there for "being a chatterbox." The principal just laughed, told her to be a little quieter next time, and let her go.

His entire mood changed once Annie left. He glared at me, read my slip, folded his hands on the desk, leaned over real close, and said to me, "You're walking on thin ice, Odair. If there is an actual way for me to get you out of this school for all the trouble you've caused me, I'll do it." Lovely man he was. He's probably dead now. Oh well.

I've been thinking of that story a lot lately. That was the only time Annie had been to the principals office in all her years of schooling. I had been through fourteen years of school (didn't even make it through secondary school) and I think I got 35 tickets, 42 detentions (that's two years of secondary school. That's impressive) and maybe 7 suspensions. I did well in school otherwise, I just didn't take it seriously. Annie though, Annie was a good student. Annie finished secondary school and probably would have gone off to college and then maybe even university had she not been reaped. Poor Annie. Jeopardized by the government. Stupid government.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	17. Day 17

**Day 17**

Annie seemed pretty smiley and happy today. She didn't seem as distracted. I really hope we're making progress. I've been a little worried because the victory tour is coming up and Annie has to make speeches. But how can Annie make a speech if she doesn't speak? I'll have to discuss it with Mags and hopefully we can think of something.

I think people enjoy reading my stories and I enjoy telling them, so I'm going to tell a story and Annie and me. When I was ten and Annie was nine we were preparing for the Tide Festival which is celebrating the highest tide of the year. An hour before and an hour after the actual high tide is when there are the most fish, and since this is the highest tide of the year it also brings the most fish of the year. So everyone gets off of work for a week and everyone celebrates and gorges themselves on fish and seaweed bread and sweets. We paint our faces and set off fireworks and light bonfires and most people sleep on the beach for an entire week.

My mother and Annie's father were going to sleep at home, but they agreed that as long as we were careful and respectful, that we could get a spot on the beach and sleep there. The festival always started three days before the actual day of high tides and then continued on for three days after. Since high tide was a Wednesday that year, the festival started on Sunday and ended on Saturday. So Sunday morning at 6 AM, Annie and I grabbed all the supplies we had packed the night before and ran to the beach as fast as our little legs could carry us so we could get a good enough spot. The beach was starting to get crowded already because our district takes the festival very seriously. Annie and I found a pretty good spot and the proceeded to set up our tent and put out our fire wood and everything else important. We were very excited because while we had participated in the festivities our whole life, we had never actually camped out the whole week. So we got all of our stuff ready and a few of my friends, Bo, Beck, Clyde, Douglas, and Zale hung out with us, and then a few of Annie's friends, Hali, Jorah, Mira, Ren and Kai, came over and stayed with us too. We were all friends but I tended to hang out with the guys more and Annie tended to hang out with the girls more unless we all hung out together.

We all just lay on the beach and we were playing "Would You Rather?" and Beck was trying to work on a net but he was failing miserably. So Annie sat next to him and started to help him. Annie is very good at making nets which is usually pretty rare for a towns person. Usually the fishermen are the ones who are skilled in making nets. I could make nets pretty well but not really as well as Annie. So Annie moved aside Beck's net and sat completely in between his legs so her back was up against his chest. Then she grabbed his hands and guided them across the net so he could figure out what it feels like to make each knot and where each knot had to be made. The game of "Would You Rather?" halted mainly because it was my turn and I decided I was light headed and wanted to get up and take a walk- total lie.

Bo followed me "to make sure I didn't pass out on the way" because Bo was a good friend and realized that I wasn't actually light headed and probably needed someone to talk to. I mean looking back on it, we were 9 and 10 year olds so I really shouldn't be too jealous. I mean yeah, people dated at our age but it wasn't more than hand holding and a kiss on the cheek, but I really shouldn't have been jealous. I didn't even think I was jealous back then. I told Bo that Annie was like my little sister and I was just protecting her. Beck was the only older person in our group-he was 12 but he was in our year because he got held back a few times-and I didn't want Annie to get hurt by him especially since she was younger than us. The oldest boy and the youngest girl probably wasn't the best combination. Now that I look back on it I realize I probably had a bit of a crush on Annie and was overcome with jealousy when the dashingly handsome and older Beck Michaels started flirting with her.

Other than that, the week was amazing. Our group caught 20 fish, Annie and I won the three legged race, Bo's fish was the biggest one caught that week, Ren won the cooking contest, Beck beat a huge 18 year old in an arm wrestling contest, and we all just got to hang out for a whole week without any school or a care in the world.

The festival comes again after Annie's victory tour. I'm hoping maybe I can bring her to it and maybe it will cheer her up or maybe even get her slightly back to normal. I don't really ever expect her to be normal again. I'm not normal. No one who goes to that arena is. I just want my best friend to be better. I miss her.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	18. Day 18

**Day 18**

Today Annie and I went for a walk on the beach. I always enjoy that because the Victor's beach isn't as crowded as the normal beach in Four. There's a strip of beach right by the Victor's Village closed off just for Victors and it's not nearly as crowded as the normal beach. I really love the beach because it's always so calming for me. I think it's calming for Annie too. She always seems so relaxed when she's at the beach.

I'm always careful that I don't go near the water with her because she's been freaked out by bodies of water since her games. She can take showers and rain and faucet water doesn't scare her, but anything big enough where she can be submerged sends her into a panic attack. I want her to get better, not worse, so I've been trying to help her as much as possible.

As much as I wish that Annie was never reaped and that she wasn't suffering as much as she is right now, I'm also eternally grateful that she made it out of the arena alive. It's nerve wracking enough to coach two kids in an arena and know that if you make a mistake it could cost a life, but add your best friend to the mix and it's a thousand times worse.

I would talk more about it but it really freaks me out to keep reliving her games. It freaks me out almost as much as it does to relive my own games. I haven't talked to anyone about my games. Yeah, people in the Capitol talk about it all the time but I never play into it or add any commentary. I'd rather thy to block out all those memories.

I'm going to stop here because I think I promised Johanna I would walk with her to town and maybe I'll see if Annie wants to tag along.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	19. Day 19

**Day 19**

Today I got really bored so I found an old can of paint in the garage and decided to paint my bedroom. My bedroom is a drab white color and I really hate it but that's how it came with the house and I never got around to changing it. I don't even know how the can of paint got into my house. I've never painted before in my life and it was really evident from the lovely paint job I did today. Johanna walked in midway through and there was red paint splattered all over the room and she screams, "If you murdered someone I'm not helping you hide the damn body" and then just walked out. Classic Johanna.

I don't where she went after that, but Annie stayed and just watched me paint, her green eyes studying my every move as if she was memorizing everything I was doing and then storing it somewhere in her brain for future reference.

Then at one point I wasn't looking and I stepped backwards and put my foot right into the tray of paint. Of course, being my usual coordinated self, I didn't even realize and I walked about the room and got red foot prints all over the room. I honestly probably wouldn't have realized if it hadn't been for Annie who started laughing. _Laughing_. Annie, the girl who has barely smiled for over three weeks and she was laughing. Then I started crying like an actual wimp because for a second it seemed like maybe Annie would be okay.

I know I've been whining but I just want Annie to get better. I miss my best friend. I miss her smile and not the weak smile she sometimes flashes me every once in a while; not the broken smile, but the real smile that goes all the way to her eyes and causes them to light up like stars and forms crinkles near her eyes. I miss her laugh, and not the raspy breathy slightly forced laugh he gave me today, but her real contagious laugh. Annie has the kind of laugh where if she's laughing you will start laughing and what she's laughing about might not even be funny or you may not even know why she's laughing but you laugh anyway because seeing her happy and seeing her laugh makes something bubble over inside of you so your body explodes with joy.

I miss my Annie. I just hope she can come back to me. I know she's in there.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	20. Day 20

**Day 20**

After I scrubbed all the paint off of the floor from my bedroom and then got a 20 minute lecture from Mags about how I should have asked her and she would have helped me paint properly, I collapsed into my bed and passed out.

Then this morning I woke up incredibly hungry because I had not eaten dinner and I was also bored and had nothing planned for the day. So I asked Mags to go to the store and pick up random items and have double of each. I then challenged Johanna to a cook off.

I think Mags realized that I am the worst cook ever and Johanna probably isn't better, so she got us five ingredients and made them very simple: eggs, ham, seaweed bread, sausage and milk. I decided to be adventurous and i tried to make an omelette with the eggs, ham and sausage, but when I tried to flip it like I once saw on tv, I used too much force and the omelette stuck to the ceiling.

Mags was angry because she had to find a ladder so she could scrape my omelette off the ceiling, Johanna kept arguing about how she won by default (even though she hadn't even started making any food yet) and Annie was laughing so hard I thought she was going to fall off a chair.

Johanna was so shocked that Annie was laughing that she actually dropped the carton of eggs and then I stepped on them and slipped because apparently eggs are slippery and that is why I am writing this from the hospital in pain. District Four doctors take a very long time to see people because they prioritize the patients when they arrive and they said I probably only sprained my ankle so I shouldn't be in much pain. I didn't realize the doctors could tell how much pain I'm in. They must teach me how to do that.

I'm hoping to get in soon. The girl in front of me who was sick enough to be in the emergency room for something possibly contagious but well enough to be on her phone playing some dumb game just went in. I'll write more tomorrow.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	21. Day 21

**Day 21**

Johanna here writing for Finnick. The poor bastard is sleeping after spending the night in the ER. I wish I was able to go to sleep but we got back when it was light out, and I can't go to sleep when the sun is out. Myst be a District Seven thing; when the sun is up, so are we. Poor kid twisted his ankle and even though they told him it wasn't that bad, they put him on crutches anyway. He's so awkward on them; it's so funny to see the prettiest boy in Panem struggle with something.

People always ask me what I think of Finnick. They always ask if I like him or if we're sleeping together or whatever else. He's an attractive guy, I'll give him that, but that's about it. I'm not into his kind anyways. He probably told you after I drunkenly confessed that to him. I'm not going to expand on the matter. It doesn't need to be made into a big deal or anything.

I kind of feel bad that Finnick got hurt. He did slip on the eggs I dropped after all. Also I kind of laughed at him and told him to grow up when he complained about how much his ankle hurt. I was pretty stupid to drop the eggs, but I was just so shocked that Annie laughed. Not even like a chuckle or a giggle either. It was a completely real laugh. I really hope she's getting better. It's not easy being in that arena. It's horrible, and everything we experience after is complete hell. Sometimes I wish I had died in that arena. Sometimes it seems it would be better than this. Then I just have to stop and think and count all my blessings. I may not have a lot of good things inline, but I think I like it better that way. It makes the good things that much better. It makes me savor the laughs, remember the smiles, and love the memories.


	22. Day 22

**Day 22**

Finnick here in loads of pain. Who the hell thought that what they call a "minorly twisted ankle" would hurt so bad? Annie's been hanging out with me all day just sitting on the chair next to me and playing with my hair. I can't complain. I've been talking to her a lot and she's been nodding but she doesn't seem ready to speak yet. At least she's more aware and seems to be out of her little world of torture.

I kind of like our ragtag group of misfits. We're all utterly screwed up and damaged but I think that makes us better people. We have all been through horrible things and I think our struggles have made us kind, empathetic and peaceful. Annie has always been like that and well, Johanna is getting there (kind of) but I was never like that.

I'm not going to lie. I was a shit before my games. You see, when I was young I was the most attractive boy in my school (maybe even the district) and I was completely aware of it. I was one of those popular boys who had douchey friends and those fake plastic girls hanging all over me and I completely enjoyed it because it made things easier. No one asked me about my past and no one asked me about my personal life because all they cared about was how I acted and what I looked like. It was easier for me to be the kid who acted out and went on a lot of dates and acted rude to people who weren't as cool as me because it helped me ignore the real problems.

I'm surprised Annie stuck with me when we were in school. She wasn't popular but I did protect her. She said she always understood that it was easier for me to be in the position I was. I think the popular kids are always the most broken, so they hide behind fake smiles and flashy clothes and fake friends. None of those people were my friends. Annie was really one of my only friends. All the friends I had like Bo and Beck went into other groups and I stayed in this fake group because it gave me a false sense of security.

The image I now hold in the Capitol isn't much different from what I was back then. My clients are the fake friends I had who only hang out with me because people like me (or the image of me) and because I'm attractive. I'm treated better than other people because the Capitol worships me. I am their idea of an ideal Victor because I appear to be strong and powerful and that's what they think a Victor is supposed to be: young, attractive and strong. I'm not strong though. I'm just as screwed up as the other Victors. Probably more screwed up because sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm stopping here because these painkillers are knocking me out.

Finnick


	23. Day 23

**Day 23**

Today is going to be a really short entry because I've been kind of woozy and nauseous from the pain and I totally forgot to write today. It's pretty late and my sleep schedule has been pretty messed up.

Annie fell asleep at the foot of my bed with her arm draped over my legs so I'm debating if I want to lay here or try to hobble to another room. I'm afraid I'll wake her up and I also don't want to die while falling down the stairs or something. I'm horrible with crutches even when it's light out.

Annie looks so beautiful right now. Her hair is slightly messed up and draped in front of her face, she's wearing a blue tank top and blue shorts (blue is my favorite color on her. It brings out the little flecks in her eyes and makes her skin even tanner) and she's curled up in a little ball by my feet. She's just so beautiful without even trying to be beautiful, so kind without meaning to be kind, and funny without trying to be funny. I miss her.

I hope she'll be back soon. I can see her becoming more and more like her old self every day.

I'm stopping here. I'm really tired.

Finnick


	24. Day 24

**Day 24**

I have cabin fever but Mags says maybe I should stay in my bed and rest for a little while before I actually get up and hobble around. I can completely uncoordinated (remember the paint incident and the egg incident?) and I really don't want to die on crutches.

Johanna and Annie hung out in my room all day today. Annie sat on a chair in the corner of the room and started out the window, and Johanna and I played various card games. We tried to play poker but I am very bad at poker and she is very intimidating when playing poker. Thank god we only played for cookies and not money or I would have lost some serious dough (haha get it?).

I am getting used to hobbling around on crutches. For instance, I was actually able to use the bathroom without well… missing the target. Johanna keeps making egg jokes and it's getting to be obnoxious. If she says "egg-zactly" one more time, I might punch her.

Annie's Victory Tour starts on Monday. We start at Twelve and the move through the districts in descending order, skipping Four and saving it for after the Capitol. I'm worried about what's going to happen. Mags has been talking to the District Four escort, Minnie, who basic alt arranges the whole Tour. Annie is supposed to give speeches at her tour but seeing as she doesn't speak, I'm not exactly sure how we're going to go about it. Mag suggested just telling everyone the truth, that Annie is suffering a bit of PTSD and she hasn't spoke since her games. I don't want that though. It will make it worse for Annie. It will give them more material; more reason to call her "the mad victor."

I'm trying to be optimistic and hope that she'll speak before Monday, but her condition has to be taken in baby steps and we can't force her along if she's not ready. I'm just hoping everything will fall into play so the Tour won't be any more of a shit show than it usually is. I can only hope.

I'm stopping here because I think it's almost time for dinner and I smell fish (:

Finnick


	25. Day 25

**Day 25**

Very uneventful day. I lost thirteen cookies while playing poker and then I almost fell while trying to get out of bed.

Johanna went home for a little while because she said "as much of a hell hole it is, she kind of misses it," and she's also required to be there for the Victory Tour. Minnie would never let her tag along on ours. Minnie is all about order and Johanna is anything but.

I got back into knots today because I was so completely bored. Then, the one eventful thing happened today, Annie grabbed the rope from me and started knotting herself.

It doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me it means a whole lot. It's the first time Annie has really done anything but sit around and stare off into the distance since she got home. It's the first time she's done anything even remotely connected to her old self before the games.

It may take a while, but Annie is getting there. Slowly but surely my best friend is coming back.

I'm stopping here because I'm positively exhausted and I have to wake up early tomorrow for a Physical Therapy session.

Finnick


	26. Day 26

**Day 26**

Tomorrow is the start of Annie's victory tour and I am so nervous. It doesn't make it better that Minnie and the prep team are here fussing over everyone and making Annie anxious. They're also pissing me off.

They want me to take off my bandage and walk like a normal person because "a Victor must look strong at all times." No, that's bullshit. I'm wearing my bandage and using my crutches. Maybe it will get people to realize that Victors are people too. They have injuries just like normal people. Both injuries they can see, like my ankle and injuries they can't, like Annie's.

I'm just really worried about Annie. I was already worried about her because she hasn't been speaking and she needs to give speeches but I'm even more worried because Minnie is really stressing Annie out and Annie doesn't need that right now.

Sorry for the short post but my ankle is really bothering me and Minnie keeps yelling at me to come down and rehearse things. This house is chaotic.

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	27. Day 27

**Day 27**

It's been a long day and I'm exhausted but I absolutely have to recount everything. We went to District Twelve today to kick off the Victory Tour. It always freaks me out to go to District Twelve, especially on Victory Tours because I always feel like we're mocking them. They live in such poverty every single day and we come prancing in with our large cars and glittering get ups and give speeches about how sorry we are for their fallen tributes, when we usually can't even remember their names. Twelve has had the worst luck with the games; they never win. They only have one living Victor and that's Haymitch Abernathy, the biggest drunk I've ever met in my life. I mean, you gotta feel bad for Haymitch. He was reaped for the Second Quarter Quell where the twist was to have twice as many tributes. He beat out 47 kids instead of 23. I think that's extremely impressive. Then after he won, he caused a lot of upset because of his trick with the force field, so they killed his family. He had a girlfriend; he could have supported her and they could have been happy and now he drowns his sorrows in alcohol.

At the start of the Tour, I came out (much to the delight of many of the girls in the district) to announce that Annie had come down with laryngitis and was unable to give her speeches herself. So since the tour must still commence as planned, I then continued to say that I would read her speeches for her as she stood next to me. I know it was a risky move and that the Capitol very well may find out and punish me for it, but I'd rather take a punishment for Annie than force her to speak which is something she is physically unable to do at the moment.

I went back behind the stage to get Annie, who was looking absolutely gorgeous in a sparkling blue ruffled dress and light blue converse. Her hair was in a simple but very beautiful fish tail braid. Annie's style throughout the games was always very true to herself. Her style was casual yet stunning enough to really leave an impression. The converse and dress thing was something that came after much convincing from the prep team, who thought the sneaker and dress combo was "absolutely insulting to the beautiful dress" but Annie did it all before the games and everyone had loved the trend. I've even been seeing the combo on many young Capitol children during my Capitol visits.

The tour went well. I read the completely monotonous speech that Minnie had written thanking the district for their hospitality and granting false comfort to the families of the fallen tributes. I hate these speeches. Sometimes Victors who are good with words will write their own speeches. Back when we used to attend the Victory Tours in Four as regular citizens Annie used to complain about how lifeless the speeches were and that if she ever got reaped and won she would write her own speeches. I guess she never expected to be like this after her games. I don't think anyone expects to go through such a traumatic experience that they are left paralyzed by fear.

Tomorrow we go to Eleven. We are actually on our way as I type this. I don't like Eleven either. They're not as poor as Twelve but they have the tightest security. The crowd always seems anxious and jumpy as if they're always anticipating something bad.

I'm going to stop here because I'm hungry and I want to check in on Annie.

Finnick


	28. Day 28

**Day 28**

Today was another extremely long day. Eleven always freaks me out because there is so much security. There are always people walking around in all of this gear with really big guns and it's really freaky. I don't know how people can live with all of that security around them all the time. The people in Eleven always look so tired and worn down and it's really scary to me.

The actual tour went pretty well. I feel horribly about going up there and saying all these staged speeches, but I'm not good with english so I know I would never be able to write a speech on my own. Some people in the audience were complaining that Annie wasn't speaking herself but I really can't force her to speak if she's not comfortable doing so.

I really hate that this is such a shitty post but it's late and I want to go to bed.

Finnick


	29. Day 29

**Day 29**

Today was a long day again. We toured around Ten and I honestly think it's one of the most boring Districts. It's very small; I think there are more cows than people in the entire district.

The actual tour went the same way as the other two. The same boring monotonous speeches; the same blue outfits. Annie looked stunning as always. She was wearing a green and blue dress with gray converse and she looked so beautiful. She seemed very nervous today and I don't even know why. It's not like she had to speak, and there weren't a lot of people in the crowd; definitely not as many as in Eleven or Twelve.

Minne has been crazy lately because she doesn't know how long the laryngitis lie will hold out. She doesn't think it will be believable for the whole trip. I honestly think she needs to calm down because she's making Annie anxious.

I'm sorry for all the short posts but I've been very busy and everything has been pretty much the same every day. Now I'm going to go to bed because I'm exhausted and I have to get up early tomorrow to help Annie and Mags with things.

Finnick


	30. Day 30

**Day 30**

Today was District Nine, which much like District Ten, is small and kind of bland. Nine is responsible for grain, and I never quite understood what set it apart from Eleven which is agriculture but whatever floats its boat.

Annie seemed pretty bubbly today; like she was excited to be in Nine or something. I talked to her a lot and she nodded and played with my hands. Then as I was up on stage she took my hand halfway through the speech and now I'm really afraid there are going to be dating rumors about us… Not that I mind, but it can make things more complicated for us when we aren't actually dating. Minnie yelled at us for doing such a foolish thing, but honestly it was completely platonic.

I'm sorry for all the short posts lately but I'm really exhausted and need to get some rest.

Finnick


	31. Day 31

**Day 31**

I really like District Eight for whatever reason. It's a pretty big district because they need people to work in the factories. A lot of people move there because the factories usually provide stable jobs. The only problem with Eight is they're pretty poor because all the clothes made in Eight go to the Capitol so they're left with rags and donations.

Today the media blew up about Annie and I dating. Minnie is really worried about it but Mags doesn't seem to care. She gets that sparkle in her eye whenever we talk about it and it makes me think that she really wants us to date. I don't know what Annie thinks about the rumors. She won't tell me. She usually just giggles when I ask her.

I don't even know what I think about the rumors. I mean, I know they're not true obviously but part of me really wishes they were. I would love to date Annie. It would be amazing to date my best friend. She's so beautiful and funny and I love her. I'm not sure if I like her like that but I definitely love her in some way. Maybe one day we'll date; probably not though. It's pretty to think so isn't it?

I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	32. Day 32

**Day 32**

Today was a great day. We met up with Johanna who was pretty busy today. I saw her hanging out with some bubbly little blonde girl and they both looked so happy. I really hope they turn into something. Johanna deserves to be happy.

The tour was pretty great. The rumors have gotten stronger and Johanna even thought they were true. She looked at us and said "You're finally dating! Congratu-frickin-lations you're either going to be the happiest sons of a bitches or the most miserable bastards on earth." For Johanna that's a compliment.

Annie seemed a little quiet today. Almost like the rumors have been getting to her or something. I've been trying to read her mind but it's not always easy even after being friends for as long as we've been.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the rumors. Sometimes I wish Annie would speak and tell me how she feels. Sometimes I wish I could get up the courage and just kiss her already. Other times I tell myself no because we're such good friends and I can't ruin that. I usually wish that the rumors will just die down so I can go about my life.

It's been a long day. I think I'm going to go to sleep. I'll probably go check on Annie first. I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	33. Day 33

**Day 33**

Today was District Six. I really don't like District Six because it's the transportation district so there's always a constant whirring and ruckus. Annie doesn't like it either. Whenever the whirring goes on she drops to the ground and covers her ears. She did that today in public and so I scooped her up and carried her back to the hotel.

The only bad thing about that is now the media is blowing up even more now because a bunch of people saw us together. In the media world, especially with all the dating rumors later, carrying her obviously means we're dating. If you're reading this, we're not dating; we're just friends. At least for now. Do I ever think about us being something more? Of course I do, but I don't think it can happen right now. If it's meant to happen, it will happen in time.

I've been thinking about dating Annie a lot more lately than usually. I have thought about it before but now I've really been thinking about it. Maybe it's because of the dating rumors, but all I know is I have an overwhelming urge to ask her out.

Annie looked so beautiful today. She was wearing a short light green and pale blue dress and her eyes looked strikingly green because of the light green. She was wearing bright green converse high tops. I heard some people saying she looks dumb with the sneakers and dresses, but I turned around and told them that she looks beautiful and they shouldn't diss her just because they're jealous.

I'm tired so I think I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow we go to District Five and I actually like District Five. Then we skip Four and go straight to Three and I love Three because they're all so smart and I love visiting with Beetee in Wiress. I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	34. Day 34

**Day 34**

Today we went to District Five which I kind of like for some reason. It's always very quiet and all of the people seem very calm all of the time. It's definitely a welcome contrast from the very loud and chaotic nature of District Six. I also really like the people from Five. All the people from Six are addicted to morphling (at least the old ones) and all of the people from Five are not given enough credit. They are all really smart and intuitive and also quiet and humble and just really kind. I really like being in Five. They were the first district that actually asked about Annie's well being and how her "laryngitis" was doing. I'm getting worried that people are going to eventually find out that she doesn't have laryngitis. We're going to Three tomorrow and I feel like they will blow our cover. They're all geniuses there.

It was nice to be away from all of the dating rumors. No one really gossips in Five. They're all pretty calm. I thought that would make Annie more calm but I guess not. Annie seemed out of it today. She barely ate and she didn't seem bubbly at all; she just seemed mopey. I think maybe she's just out of sorts after all of the ruckus from Six. At least, that's what i hope. I hope she's not digressing; she seemed like she was getting so much better.

I've still been thinking about Annie a lot but differently than I normally think about her. Now I've been having dreams about us dating or kissing or even getting married. What is wrong with me? I feel pretty selfish to be thinking about these things when she just needs to focus on getting better and if I try to ask her out it's probably going to make things so much worse. But then other times I find myself thinking if she thinks about me like this too. Does she lay in her bed at night and think about dating me or kissing me? Does she think about us being more than friends? Probably not. I should stop thinking about it and just think about her getting better and getting through this Victory Tour.

I'm going to stop here because I'm exhausted. Once this Victory Tour is over I'm passing out for like ten days.

Finnick


	35. Day 35

**Day 35**

We skipped District Four because the Victor's home district is always saved for last. I was glad to be in District Three. Other than Four and the Capitol, I spend the most time in Three because Beetee and Wiress are my good friends and always love visitors. I suppose I'd spend a lot of time in Seven as well, but Johanna hates visitors. She hates it in Seven for whatever reason. I suppose if I had been through what she has been through, I would hate being home too. I've been through a lot but at least I have a support system at home; Johanna has no one.

As soon as I got to Three, Beetee met us in the hotel. He told us that no one believes that laryngitis story in Three and if Annie goes up there and doesn't speak then we could have a real riot on our hands. Of course, that's not good and of course I didn't want that, but what else am I to do? I can't force Annie to do something she's not comfortable with. Beetee wants me to just tell them the truth but I really don't want to put Annie in worse of a situation than she already is. If I tell all of the districts that Annie doesn't have laryngitis and isn't speaking because she has crippling social anxiety as a result of what she experienced in her games, I feel like this will make her "The Mad Victor" even more than ever. I don't want that for her.

Beetee disagreed with the decision I came to but still respected it. He said he understood that most people in Panem did not think as logically as those in Three. Most of the people in Panem made decisions based on their emotions and tended to ignore logic altogether. After this he made me stay and he talked to me about Annie and the dating rumors. I'm kind of glad he brought them up. I haven't talked to Mags about them because I don't think she'll really understand, I didn't want to bore Johanna with the romance, and I obviously couldn't talk to Annie about it. Beetee may be a lot older than me but I still feel really comfortable when I talk to him. Sometimes his purely logical reasoning annoys me, but most of the time it helps clear my head.

He asked me how I was doing and where my head was at with the rumors, so of course I spilled everything. I told him about the dreams. I told him about how I've been imagining kissing her and dating her and marrying her. I told him how I've been seeing her as more than a friend lately and I think the feelings were buried deep inside me the whole time and I'm just starting to see them come to the surface because of the rumors. The rumors are helping me realize that while I love Annie as a best friend, I also want her to become more than that.

He was pretty understanding. He told me that he understands why the rumors could have brought out these feelings in me, and while he's never experienced anything like this, he can definitely come to the conclusion that they are natural and nothing to worry about. Then he went on to tell me that in a normal situation he would tell me to 100% go and ask Annie out because she probably reciprocates those feelings. However, he continued, this is not a normal situation so I should probably lay low for now and see if the feelings subside after the Victory Tour. If his hunch is correct, and they don't, I still need to wait. I can't ask her out when she's in the state that she's in because she's vulnerable and scared enough and dumping this information onto her now could be dangerous to her health. As sad as Beetee's verdict made me, I understand completely.

We went through our tour as normal at Three and many people from the crowd questioned why Annie wasn't speaking. I answered about the laryngitis but they refuted it. Luckily, the mayor shushed them and I was able to read Annie's speech as planned. However, halfway through the speech, Annie moved closer to me and grabbed my hand. Her doing so made me stop reading and upon watching the replay, I say myself blush from ear to ear. It was a deep red blush that shone through my tanned skin. There's no doubt that everyone in Panem saw. I continued the speech, stumbling through the rest of it with Annie's and my fingers interlaced. Once I finished, I thanked the crowd and immediately ran off the stage, completely unable to be up there for another second. It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me to date.

I shut myself in my room and buried my face in my pillow, playing everything over and over and over in my head. I even contemplated completely ignoring Beetee's advice and talking to Annie about us because she must feel something too if she did that. I've decided to stick to the plan. The hand holding was probably platonic and Beetee is right, I need to withhold any news of my feelings for Annie right now even if she possibly feels the same way.

I was in my room for a while, feeling way too embarrassed to show my face. The train was moving onto our next destination anyway. There was a knock on my door and i completely ignored it. I didn't want to see anyone. But whoever knocked was persistent and knocked a few more times before walking in. I was about to yell at whoever it was until I saw it was Annie. She was wearing one of my oversized sweatshirts and dark blue denim short and no shoes or socks. Her toes were painted a light blue. Her hair was curly from being in a braid all day and a few strands of hair fell into her eyes as she walked over to me. I was about to ask what was wrong but no words came out. Her beauty left me speechless. She smiled, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and walked out. If I was confused before, now I am so beyond confused that I barely even know what else to say about it. I'm probably going to ask either Beetee or Mags about it. Probably Beetee. I can call him tomorrow.

I'm going to stop here because I haven't eaten lunch and it's almost dinner time. I'm starved.

Finnick


	36. Day 36

**Day 36**

Today we toured Two and it went pretty normally. Except I'm um kinda drunk right now… Oops. I met up with a few mentors from Two and they like their booze. I'm actually enjoying it right now. It's not like that horrible drunk that I get when I'm in the Capitol. It's a nice buzz and I feel very happy and it's great.

So today Annie was distant today and I'm pretty sure it's because of what happened last night. I mean I guess I understand. She probably doesn't even fully understand her feelings herself if she's having any feelings towards me so she's definitely not ready to admit them; but whatever last night was, it was definitely something.

I called Beetee after the tour today and he said he was planning on calling me after the tour yesterday because he realized I probably needed someone to talk to after my big blushing moment but then he couldn't because something came up. I told him everything and he just sat there and listened over the phone until I finished. Once I finished he told me I still need to follow his advice from yesterday because I'm not completely sure where her head is at right now and anything I do could make her worse than she already is.

I know this is a boring entry but it's getting hard to type and I feel kind of sick so I'm stopping here so I can go to bed and be ready for District One tomorrow.

Finnick


	37. Day 37

**Day 37**

After I wrote last night's post I realized that i don't like alcohol at all; not even a little bit. I was sick to my stomach and then puked all over myself and my bed and Annie found me looking a complete mess and had to run and get Mags. I am never drinking again (for fun at least. I never really have a choice when it comes to clients).

After I cleaned myself up in the shower and Mags gave me something for my stomach, Annie climbed into bed with me and we watched movies. It was nice because recently with the Victory Tour and other things, I feel like we haven't really had the time to just be friends. She snuggled into me and played with my hair which I know was soothing for the both of us because she loves playing with people's hair and I love when people play with my hair. After a few movies she fell asleep and I was growing more and more tired so I fell asleep as well. Mags gave us a huge smile and she had that little twinkle in her eye when she found us this morning but as soon as Annie left the room I assured her that nothing happened.

My ankle has been better but I've still been using crutches and I've been getting quite a lot of comments from people in the districts. The media has also been generating some buzz about it but I honestly think Finnick Odair's broken ankle is a shitty story to follow. Maybe this country will get better journalists one day.

District One was a relief because it was the last time I have to read one of those stupid speeches and see the faces of the poor families who lost their kids. It kills me to read those Capitol speeches because I know the audience knows that the Capitol wrote them and I wish there was a way I could better comfort those poor families. I know what it's like to lose a family member, and I'm sure it's no treat to have to pretend to idolize the girl who beat out their kids. I think Annie deserved to win, but most people didn't, and I know One and Two are especially bitter about it because their tributes made it all the way to the end and one of them probably would have beaten out Annie had Annie not been the strongest swimmer left when the arena flooded.

Tomorrow is the Capitol party. We travel into the Capitol tonight and get there early tomorrow morning. Then Annie undergoes preparations all day tomorrow to get ready for the party that starts at 10 tomorrow night and usually stretches into the wee hours of the morning. I'm not looking forward to it to say the least. I hate Capitol parties. People stuff themselves with expensive food until they can't eat another bite and then they puke it all up and start all over. There are districts that barely have enough food to feed their people and these Capitol clowns are eating six meals a night. They space it all out with tons of alcoholic beverages: shots, vodka, rum, fruity rainbow frozen things; anything you can think of. These people get so drunk that they throw up without aid of the clear liquid. They forget who they are and where they're from. They black out and pass out in corners and under tables. They dance and clothing is shed and people go back to rooms and sleep with each other and the people they sleep with usually aren't their significant others. The old men grab vulnerable young ladies and grind on them and grab at them and I'm terrified that's going to happen to Annie and she won't be able to speak to defend herself. It's awful.

I think I'm going to check on Annie. She was quiet today so she's probably upset about something. I'll stop here.

Finnick


	38. Day 38

**Day 38**

The party hasn't even happened yet but I have to write about it tomorrow because by the time I get home it will be tomorrow and I'll have missed the deadline for writing daily. Today has basically just been a preparation for the party. We arrived into the Capitol really early and then Annie got whisked away by Minnie and her prep team for various waxings and baths and other things. I think the Capitol way of getting people ready is dumb. Annie is beautiful without all of the make up and chemicals and stuff. I hope they let her wear her converse. She hates wearing heels and she won't be able to argue with them. She's been able to wear her converse the whole tour because it's supposed to be her own style but the Capitol is more formal and Minnie might make her wear horrible heels in a vain attempt to sex her up for the Capitol audiences.

I was able to sleep late because I don't need nearly as much preparation. Then Minnie got me fitted for a medical boot that looks like a dress shoe so I still look formal in the presence of the President and all the important Capitol people. The Capitol does not appreciate fashion blunders, not even if they're there for medical reasons; so by this dumb logic my crutches had to go. Then I got a hair cut and I don't like it because my curls aren't as bouncy but Minnie called my curls "boyish and scruffy." I don't get why these people care so much about their appearances. Then I was put into a classic black suit with a light blue dress shirt and a light green tie which Minnie said will match Annie's outfit. We're constantly dressed in blues and greens because we're from Four. I don't mind. Blues and greens usually complement our skin tones nicely because it makes our skin look tanner. Also the green brings out Annie's eyes and I love that.

I'm sorry for the short post but the party is in a few hours so I need to continue getting ready. I'm sure tomorrow will be a long entry about the party. I hope it's not too much of a mess. I can't wait to go home. I'm stopping here. Wish me luck.

Finnick


	39. Day 39

**Day 39**

It is 4:30 in the afternoon and I just woke up. I'm surprised I don't feel shittier. I thought I'd feel a lot shittier when I woke up. I feel pretty fucking shitty.

I should have known that the party would be horrible. It's a Capitol party; Capitol parties always make you feel like complete shit afterward. It's probably a combination of being with such shitty for hours and the alcohol.

Annie looks gorgeous last night. I met her and Minnie in the lobby of the hotel we were staying at and Minnie was in her normal ridiculous get up with her face caked with make up and her frilly dress and her bright blue cork screw curls which I have not decided is a wig or her real hair that's just dyed and styled. Mags was going to stay home. Usually all mentors go to the party, but Mags claims she's too old and no one will want her there. The Capitol parties are for the younger crowds. She's lucky she had an excuse to miss it. When I saw Annie it was like the entire world froze. She was in a light blue dress that seemed to be slightly green too. It reminded me of the sky but not as light. It had a simple v neckline and plain spaghetti straps. It was kind of tight around the waist but opened up and became kind of flowy down towards the bottom. The front came down to about mid thigh but then the back was longer and went below her knee. I love her in blue because it makes her eyes look bright and shining and it brings out any other colors that hide in the deep expanse of green. It also stands out against her tan and it makes her skin glow. Her hair was styled so her bangs were swept to the side in different layers almost like waves and clipped to the side with a green and blue bejeweled barrette. The rest of her hair, which looked lighter and more reddish (probably because of the blue she was wearing) was styled in simple waves that cascaded over her tanned shoulders. Lastly, she had on a pair of simple white converse high tops that were as crisp and white as clouds in the sky. I smiled when I saw them; so Minnie did let her keep her own style.

She ran over to me when she saw me and hugged me tight. I could tell she was nervous and also probably very tense after spending the whole day with Minnie and the prep team. Capitol people tend to stress everyone out. When we got into the car, Minnie recounted for the thousandth time that we were supposed to follow her into the President's mansion and then greet all of the important people who would be stationed in the front part of the house. Then we would head to the back and listen to President Snow's speech commemorating Annie. After that we were free to go about and celebrate and do as we pleased as long as we were on our best behavior. I had to keep from rolling my eyes. She spoke to us like we were children; not a 19 year old and an 18 year old.

We got there and the mansion was completely lit up. There were huge sparkling lights intertwined in the branches of trees and all of the lights on the outside of his mansion were on. His electric bills must be through the roof. Inside, Annie and I had to greet about forty different Capitol people as well as their wives. Minnie kept whispering their names in my ears so I could address them by name, but I didn't really see the point. They could have just told me their names. Annie just shook their hands and smiled at all of them. They all congratulated her, though I could tell a lot of them weren't sincere. I suppose a lot of them lost a lot of money when she won. Serves them right.

Then we made it to the next room and pushed our way through the crowd so we could stand at the front as President Snow made his way out to the balcony to make his speech. He thanked everyone for being there and congratulated Annie and then he paused for a short bit before wishing her a speedy recovery with her laryngitis. I could tell by the way he said "laryngitis" that he didn't believe it either. I hope he doesn't try to punish Annie because of our lie. We're just trying to keep her from getting hurt and undergoing any more mockery. I can't stand hearing "The Mad Victor" anymore.

I made my way to the food table with Annie, hoping that if we looked busy people would leave us alone and I could stay with her the whole night. But of course, that didn't happen. I was whisked away by some bleached blond bimbo who was wearing a dress that was too tight around the chest and so much make up that it was starting to run because of the heat in the room. She was probably one of my clients, but I'm usually way too drunk to remember any of them.

The whole night I kept trying to get back to Annie, but every time I tried that I kept getting whisked away by another Capitol woman who decided a good time was to try and stick their tongue down my throat or force alcohol past my lips or shove her boobs in my face. I finally got back to the table after about seven women and five shots and three forced kisses but Annie was gone. I, of course, freaked out because my mind went straight to the worst possible place: a man took her up to one of the rooms. Then I saw her in the middle of the room with one of President Snow's most esteemed advisors, John Doe. Mr. Doe was a scary man. He had eyes so dark they were almost black and dark black hair interrupted by a streak of gray in the front. He was tall and his shoulders were so broad that he towered over nearly anyone he came across. He took his large bear hands and roughly placed them on Annie's hips, then he pulled her so close to him that they were grinding up against one another. I got over there as soon as I could and pulled him off of her, knowing that there was no way for her to tell him to get off; no way for her to defend herself

He turned to me, and I knew at once that he was drunk. He slurred his words and asked why I took the pretty girl away from him and I was so angry and slightly drunk and I could barely think, so I just said the first thing that came to my mind: "Because that pretty girl is my girlfriend." Great, Odair. Great plan. Mr. Doe just grinned at me and started laughing, but everyone heard and there was a total uproar. People were screaming and crying and some of the women were grabbing at me and telling me that I belonged to them. I immediately grabbed Annie and tried to find Minnie but there were so many people and the room was spinning and people were screaming and then it all stopped

President Snow was up at the balcony again demanding to know the cause of the uproar and as soon as someone screamed out that we were dating, I knew I was screwed. If I denied it, Mr. Doe would ask why I lied, but if I confirmed it, I would release the news of our relationship into Panem once and for all. And it wasn't even true. So when President Snow asked if that were true, I did what any great drunk man under pressure would do: I passed out.

I don't remember anything else. Mags told me when I woke up today that I had way more shots than I thought and they were all double so I was drunker than I had ever been in my entire life and it was all on an empty stomach. She told me we were taken home and Annie was put to bed after crying hysterically the whole way home. Minnie denied all dating rumors, claiming I was so drunk that I barely knew what I was saying. I suppose that's true. Everything is a blur to me. I don't want to see Annie today. I'm afraid she's going to be angry at me for what happened last night. I think I'm going to stay in my room and ignore the world today. The room is still spinning and my head is pounding. I think I will go back to bed. I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	40. Day 40

**Day 40**

Today was dreadful. I woke up at 2 and we were in District Four again. I had to get up and get ready for the Victory Tour but my head hurt so bad and my throat was raw and my stomach was churning so badly that I could barely lift my head off the pillow. Then the thought of alcohol poisoning crossed my mind and I started freaking out so badly that I vomited all over the floor.

Mags found me a shaking, vomiting, sobbing mess and quickly called for one of the Capitol doctors who works in Four. He told me I didn't have alcohol poisoning (though I was very close to it) and that I just need to sleep, eat and rest until all the alcohol leaves my system and I start to feel myself.

After he left I felt slightly better mentally, but then started crying when I realized I had to help Annie read her speech for the Victory Tour. Mags shook her head and told me absolutely not. She would read the speech for Annie because I was simply too sick to make it to the tour today.

My absence apparently caused an uproar. There was of course a lot of buzz generated after my little show last night. A lot of people claimed I didn't show my face on the last leg of the tour because I was a coward and too embarrassed to stand up in front of a crowd after I basically professed my love for Annie and then passed out. Apparently the districts still think we're dating and that last night through my drunkenness I accidentally confirmed all of the rumors and now that I recognize my mistake, I'm trying to blame it on the alcohol.

I find all of this pretty ironic. Yes, calling Annie my girlfriend was a drunken mistake. Had I been sober I probably would have just asked Mr. Doe to get off of Annie because she's my friend and he was making her uncomfortable. However, the alcohol made me unable to control my thoughts and all I could focus on was how jealous and angry Mr. Doe made me when he touched Annie like that. So yes, it was a drunken mistake to call Annie my girlfriend because it confirmed the rumors, but it's not a mistake in the way Panem thinks because Annie and I aren't actually dating.

After the tour, Mags came in and a few of the men on the tour staff team carried me to the car and helped me into bed at home. Then Mags told me about the uproar, but other than that the tour went well. Annie was in good spirits and Four was very welcoming. Then Minnie came in and delivered a whole new wave of pain as she lectured me in her shrill voice about my mistakes and lack of manners and how I need to deny these rumors before they get out of hand. Officially denying these rumors means one thing: an appearance with Caesar Flickerman. So when I'm feeling up to it, Annie and I are going to have to appear on his show and deny all the rumors once and for all.

In other news, The Tide Festival starts on Monday and then highest tide is Thursday and then it ends on Sunday. I hope maybe Annie and I can camp out and maybe it will put her in a better mood. Maybe if she remembers all the great memoreis attached to The Tide Festival, she will feel a little better. I think I'm going to go to bed. It's 7 PM so I've only been up for five hours but I'm woozy and exhausted. I'll stop here.

Finnick


	41. Day 41

**Day 41**

I feel so much better today but I still stayed in bed to rest my ankle since I've been straining it a lot lately. Wearing that boot put it out of whack so I want to keep off of it. Plus, I'm going to wear the boot tomorrow when Annie and I go for our interview with Caesar Flickerman. We need to deny these rumors once and for all.

Annie came into my room pretty early because I guess she heard me hobbling to the bathroom before. I'm back to sleeping in one of her guest rooms so I'm there for her just in case anything happens. Mags usually doesn't stay but she's planning on staying until I get better because if Annie ever needed me in a hurry I wouldn't be much of a help with my crutches. I woke up pretty early because I was sleeping practically all day yesterday. Then Annie came into my room and curled into bed with me. It was the first time I had really spent time with her since the party so I just apologized and kissed her on top of her head. Then we just snuggled together and watched movies all day.

Then when Annie went in the shower Mags came to me and asked me if I still wanted to go through with the interview which kind of caught me off guard. Of course I wanted to go through with the interview. But then I thought about it for a little while and I realized what Mags was getting at. If I didn't go through with the interview then everyone would think we were dating and I could make my move on Annie.

I've been thinking about it nonstop since then but I'm pretty sure I'm going to go through with the interview. I owe it to Annie who doesn't need the added stress of a public relationship that she may not even want. Other than the kiss on the cheek and the hand holding which was probably just a friendly thing, she hasn't given me any signals. I'm tired and I'm going to stop here and go to bed. Big day tomorrow.

Finnick


	42. Day 42

**Day 42**

Today was a crazy day. It started out by taking an express train at 4 AM so we could make it to the Capitol at 8 AM. Then Annie and I (mainly Annie) underwent the many preparations needed before our interview. I talked to Annie about what I was going to say and she just nodded and kept looking down at her nails and tearing at her cuticles. They've been all ripped and bloody lately because she rips at them when she's stressed. The prep team always yells at her but I understand. I always bite my nails as a nervous habit so my nails hardly ever grow out. The prep team complains about that too but honestly they can go fuck themselves. I'm so tired of these Capitol snobs complaining about appearances. They don't know true stress and trauma. Their idea of a disaster is when a store doesn't carry the right shade of nail polish they need to match an outfit.

I had to wear that stupid boot again. I hate it so much; it's going to screw up my ankle. Then they had me wear dress pants and a light blue dress shirt and they made me leave the first two buttons open so my chest is showing and they made my hair all weird and professionally messy. It's like they're trying to sex me up so I can be all pretty for when I announce that I'm single to all of Panem and all girls have their false hopes restored for the time being.

Annie looked gorgeous as always. She was wearing a strapless white dress this time but it had an undertone of blue and was very sparkly. She was wearing white high tops again and her hair was in a fishtail braid. The white made her skin practically glow. She looked stunning.

The interview itself wasn't too bad. I really like Caesar. He's always really friendly and supportive even though he looks a little creepy. His hair and eyebrows were still dyed bright pink from the games. I wonder if he keeps them like that all year or if he changes it or goes back to his natural hair color (whatever it may be). So basically the interview comprised of us going out there and I had to tell Caesar and the rest of Panem that we weren't dating. They were just rumors that surfaced after Annie held my hand on stage during the tour and she only did that because we're friends and she was nervous and needed support while on stage.

Of course he understood but immediately questioned why I said she was my girlfriend at the party. I explained that I was intoxicated and Annie was dancing with a man and he started to make her feel uncomfortable but couldn't tell him that herself. So I went up to defend her and that was the first thing that came to mind. Caesar just laughed, nodded, and said, "We've all been there," and that was the end of that.

Now I'm sitting on the train back and I've been running the interview through my head again and again. Did Annie even want me to deny the rumors? Was she trying to tell me she didn't want me to deny them and I just read her signals wrong? Should I have denied them? I guess it was a good choice. Had it been different I probably would have asked her out already but these are not normal circumstances unfortunately. I'm tired and I think I'm going to go to bed. We just got back to District Four and I'm exhausted from having woken up so early. I'm stopping here.

Finnick


	43. Day 43

**Day 43**

I don't think I mentioned this yesterday but today marks the starts of The Tide Festival. I was so excited that I got up early and attempted to make pancakes for Annie. Key word: attempted. One of them ended up on the ceiling and a few ended up on the floor. So then I went out to the bakery and got some fresh seaweed bread and then woke Annie up. She seemed really excited for the festival which makes me happy because I'm hoping maybe this will put her in a good mood and be a bit of a remedy for her.

We set up our spots but we decided we weren't going to sleep on the beach because I need a place to put up my ankle (though it is feeling a lot better and I am only wearing a brace and I'm not using crutches) and I didn't think it would be good for Annie to be on the beach at night just in case the tides get too close to her and she has a panic attack from the water.

Two mentors we know and are friendly with, a married couple named Marina and Caspian, set up next to us and we all ate and talked for the whole day. Annie sat next to me silently and worked on a net. I was really happy she was working on a net because she hasn't done so in a long time and I'm starting to think that maybe she's starting to turn into her old self again. I know she's never going to be completely the same again; the games do that to you; but at least she's starting to feel a little better.

My favorite part about the beach at night is when it's dark out and all the stars come out. What I like about Four as compared to other districts is there is barely any light pollution where the homes are and basically none at the beach so the stars are always out at night. The four of us lay on a giant beach blanket and looked up at the stars as children ran across the sand catching fireflies and people set up bonfires and started to play musical instruments. It was getting a little chilly as it always does when you're so close to the sea after dark. Annie and I snuggled up next to her and as I was looking up at the stars I felt her hand reach out and take mine. I don't think I've ever felt more lucky than I did in that moment.

Finnick


	44. Day 44

**Day 44**

Day 2 of the festival. There were a bunch of games that went on today but mainly the kids participate in those. I kept thinking about all the days when we were kids and we used to come to the festival. We were all so young, so innocent, so happy. Now the games have taken that away. We've been tainted.

Annie was quiet today. Not just quiet as in not talking because that's obvious but quiet as in she wasn't as bubbly or expressive today. She just sat there with a blank stare in her eyes studying the kids or looking off into the distance as she worked on her net. She was probably deep in thought. Maybe, like me, she was thinking about all the previous years when we would go to the festival and it would be the highlight of our entire year. It was still fun but it was different this time because Annie wasn't fully there.

Johanna showed up and sat smack in the middle of our blanket and started to complain about how horrible the train ride was and how Seven has been so dumb lately as always. I gave her a knowing look and she smiled and said, "Her name is Ainsley. It's nothing." Ainsley was a new girl who moved to Seven recently and she and Johanna met when it was pouring rain and Johanna was walking home and they crashed into each other both of them fell in the mud and Johanna was prepared to kill whoever it was who knocked into her until she saw Ainsley, a petite dirty blonde girl with pale skin and striking blue eyes. Johanna was so stunned by how pretty and innocent she looked even drenched and covered in mud that she invited her back to her house to dry off and hang out. Now they've become friends and even though Johanna insists that they're only friends I'm hoping they start dating. Johanna thinks Ainsley may be gay but is just afraid to admit it and I'm really hoping she is so they can become a couple. I think that would do Johanna a lot of good.

We hung out all day and Johanna and I played cards as Annie worked on her net. Johanna complimented me on my lovely display at the Capitol party and I just rolled my eyes and ignored her. Then later when Annie went to go to the bathroom Johanna asked me if calling her my girlfriend was really a drunken mistake. I told her it partially was because I really was drunk and didn't really have control of what I was saying but I also kind of wanted to say that because I hoped it would make Annie see that I like her. Johanna just shook her head and laughed. Then when I asked why she was laughing at me she looked at me and said, "You really don't see it, do you?" I didn't know what she meant by that. She told me I don't see the sappy stuff: the way Annie looks at me, the way I look at her, how close we are, how much I worry about her, how I would do anything for her, how she would do anything for me, how we're completely and totally in love and we're the only two people in Panem who don't realize it. I didn't know how to respond to that so I just picked up the deck of cards and started shuffling. I knew my face had turned the color of the back of the deck: bright red.

Then Annie came back and I kept staring at her and going over and over the words that Johanna said. I wonder if they were true. The stars seemed even brighter tonight. Maybe things are really looking up.

Finnick


	45. Day 45

**Day 45**

Today was the third day of the festival. Tomorrow is the day of the highest tides and it's also the height of the festivities. There were a bunch of games today but I didn't play any again. I just sat with Johanna and Annie on our blanket. Then Mags came down for a little while and brought us sandwiches and fruit and cookies. Johanna commented that the fruit and the cookies were kind of contradictory but I just shrugged and crammed a cookie in my mouth.

Mags stayed for a little while and knit. She stopped making nets long ago because she didn't like the calluses it left on her fingers. She says knitting is the older person's version of net making. I love the calluses net making makes on my fingers. It makes them worn and I feel like it represents the hard work I do in life.

We sat for a while, Mags doing her knitting, Annie making her net, and Johanna making card houses and then knocking them down with shells and bits of coral. As they were all doing this I just sat there and watched them all. I really had a lot of things to be thankful for in that moment. I was at one of the most fun events of the year surrounded by the people I love the most in the word: my mother figure and my two best friends (one of which may be the love of my life). It's a pretty good life if you take out all the bad and focus on the good.

Tonight we looked up at the stars again and they were as beautiful as always. Annie fell asleep so I picked her up and carried her home. As I was brining her up the stairs she stirred and shifted her head so it was against my shoulder. I just smiled and kissed her on the top of her head. She looked so young; so innocent; so beautiful.

I'm going to stop here because it's late and everyone else is asleep. We have to get up extra early tomorrow because the most people always come out to the festival on the highest tide day. I'm so excited for all the events planned tomorrow. Annie seems to be enjoying it. She seems a little more like herself each day.

Finnick


	46. Day 46

**Day 46**

Today was a crazy day to say the least. Okay, understatement. Today was the best day in a long time. Today absolutely amazing. I'll tell you why.

We woke up pretty early today and I put my brace on but ditched the crutches because they are not fun in the sand. I haven't really been using them anyway and definitely not at the festival because the beach is a bad place for cripples.

Annie walked into my room and she looked adorable. She was wearing a red sun dress and a gray beanie and her worn gray converse. I was wearing a blue and green bathing suit and a muscle tank because it gets hot in Four and it's also good for the beach. Then I added a snapback for good measure because I like snapbacks. I felt like we looked like two stereotypes: a loud, obnoxious, attractive jock and a mousey, quiet, adorable hipster.

The whole day was pretty similar to the other three. Annie worked on her net which was starting to look more and more like a net each day. Johanna came and started scribbling things in a notebook. I didn't ask her what she was doing though because Johanna is usually pretty secretive about things. I tried to build a house of cards but it kept falling down so I decided to take a nap.

When I woke up, Johanna had left me a note saying she had gone to help Mags with lunch and would be back. I didn't want to leave Annie alone but I really had to pee so I went to the bathroom and then quickly went back to Annie.

When I got back she was still alone. Her net was resting on her lap as well as laid out in front of her because it was getting quite big. She had stopped knotting the net and was just staring out into the distance. She looked a little strange; not distant but almost like she was realizing something. I sat down, reached over to fix her beanie which was falling, and then greeted her with a chipper, "Hi, Annie."

Then without looking at me she just said, "Hi, Finn." HI FINN. SHE SPOKE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 53 DAYS (I started this blog a week after her games) AND IT WAS WITHOUT ANY WARNING OR ANYTHING. I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say or think, I was just in complete shock. Then Mags and Johanna came back and I started crying and telling them that she spoke and we all sat there and patiently spoke to her but it seemed like she had went back to that distant place. Johanna didn't believe me and said she didn't speak but Mags knew I was telling the truth. I was sitting there on the beach crying after all.

We sat there and ate lunch which consisted of warm seaweed bread smothered in butter and some fish. Johanna just picked at some fruit and kept complaining that she doesn't understand why we eat fish because it's salty and slimy and seaweed bread is also salty and she doesn't understand why everyone in Four doesn't have high cholesterol what with all the salt we consume.

Annie just laughed and took a huge bite out of her roll. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. First of all, she just looked so beautiful. The red dress she was wearing made her hair look more red than usual. That's the thing with Annie's hair: sometimes it looks brown and sometimes it looks red; it just depends on what she's wearing or how the lighting is. Her hair kept falling into her face as she ate and she had to reach up and tuck a few stray pieces into her beanie. She just looked so beautiful. I really liked the beanie on her. It made her look adorable. Second off, I couldn't stop looking at her because she spoke. She spoke for the first time in over 50 days without any warning. She just looked at me and said, "Hi, Finn," like nothing was wrong and then when Mags and Johanna tried to get her to speak she was distant again. Does it mean anything? Probably not. She probably just found a way to get out of the distant place she's been in lately but then went right back in. But you can't really blame me for overthinking it, now can you?

Later on, the mayor came to speak about the history of the festival and everything and then he announced the high tide. Everyone ran into the water which is probably really dangerous but it's kind of a tradition. I asked Annie if she wanted to go and she nodded. Johanna declined by saying that our traditions are almost as dumb and dangerous as Seven's. So Annie and I ran hand in hand into the tide and people were yelling and splashing around and I picked up Annie and twirled her around as the tide swept up around our ankles and sprayed us with the cool sea water. Then just as I was about to put her down, our eyes met and I had the strongest urge to kiss her. I stood there in that moment and it felt like such a long moment because her eyes met and all the noise around us seemed to melt away and all there was in the world was the vast expanse of green in her eyes. And I mentally slapped myself for not having enough guts to kiss her and I was about to put her down again when she quickly leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips. It wasn't really more than a peck, but it was a kiss nonetheless.

I put her down and she ran back to where Mags and Johanna were and I just stood in the water feeling shocked and confused and smitten until a particularly strong wave came by and knocked me off my feet and right onto my butt. I quickly got up because I knew if another wave came by I would be pulled under and I would get sand all in my clothes. I walked back to the blanket and Johanna was laughing hysterically at my fall. I told them I wanted to get changed because I had sand in places sand should not go and then I went home to call Beetee.

I told Beetee everything about the kiss and about Annie speaking. He listened to the whole story and only spoke when I was completely finished. He told me he was happy about Annie's recent development and that I should tell him if she speaks anymore so he can attempt to establish a pattern between her speaking and what may cause it. As for the kiss, he told me it could very well be platonic. She could very well be experiencing really conflicting feelings about me just as I am about her. She may not know if she likes me as more than a friend or not so she's using physical actions to try and decipher her feelings. The hand holding was the first step, then the kiss on the cheek, and now the kiss on the lips. That made sense.

He told me to hold off on asking her out because a lot is probably going on her mind right now and I don't want to confuse her or freak her out any more than she already is. That also made sense. Though, I found myself acting selfish and wishing there were normal circumstances in place so I could just ask her out.

After I hung up with Beetee, I sat to think for a little while and then I changed to go back outside. It was starting to get darker and people were lighting fires and setting off sparklers. Then, when it got really dark they set off fireworks. Annie covered her ears and I asked her if she wanted to go home but she just shook her head. I could tell she was captivated by the colors, she just didn't like the sound.

We all went home after the fireworks and went to get ready for bed. There are still three more days of the festival and we're already exhausted. The festival will start to wind down after today though. The first three days build up to the day of the highest tide and then the last three days wind down. It's also not too long after the Victory Tour, so I know Mags, Annie and I are really feeling tired.

I'm going to go to bed. My head is swimming, so maybe falling asleep will help calm the thoughts.

Finnick


	47. Day 47

**Day 47**

Today was boring compared to yesterday. Normal festivities. We didn't stay long because I think we're all exhausted. The Victory Tour and The Tide Festival being a few days apart has really taken its toll on us.

We stayed out for a little while and then went inside and sat on the couch eating sandwiches and ice cream and watching movies. Annie stayed a little distant from me today and was completely silent. I guess she's probably just as confused as I am.

Annie went upstairs probably to take a nap and Johanna asked me all about what happened yesterday. I told her nothing happened but she told me not to shit with her. She saw us kiss at high tide. I shrugged and said, "That's it. We kissed." She rolled her eyes and groaned before saying, "I know you. You overthink everything. Where's your head at, you nincompoop?" I told her about my chat with Beetee and how I desperately want to ask her out. Johanna just laughed and said to me, "Poor straight boy. Can't just saunter up to the girl he wants and demand her as her date. It must be so hard. Not having every girl you want in the palm of your hand." I just grit my teeth and told her she was taking it too far. She kept going, saying how Annie is in the palm of my hand I just don't see it and I just need to wait and if I really loved her I would be able to wait.

I just screamed at her to shut up and ran upstairs. I slammed the door and flopped onto my bed, gripping my pillows and screaming into them. It's been about an hour since the fight and no one has come to talk to me. I guess everything Johanna said was right. If I really loved Annie I wouldn't get upset about waiting for something to happen. It would be a privilege to wait for her.

I'm going to bed.

Finnick


	48. Day 48

**Day 48**

Today was the second to last day of The Tide Festival and it was pretty bad day. Okay, understatement. It was a horrible day. This might be a short entry because I only have time to explain what happened and then I really need to go.

Today Johanna and I confronted each other and she was being a real baby and ignoring me even when I tried to apologize. So we ignored each other for basically the whole day and we sat at the beach in complete silence. Annie was still working on her net and I was just thinking and Johanna left to go throw rocks into the waves.

When she left I just babbled onto Annie about how Johanna was being such a baby and she really just needed to stop being so stubborn and apologize and I kept rambling until Annie reached up and put a hand on my cheek and then gently turned my head so I was looking straight into her beautiful green eyes. I could tell by her eyes that she was telling me to be quiet; that none of this mattered; that it was a silly fight and we just needed to make up because our friendship was too great to be fighting.

Then Johanna came back and she sat down and I was about to open my mouth when she looked straight at me and started yelling, "Now listen here, Odair. I don't know who the fuck you think you are! You have everything. You have everything. You're hot. You have friends. You're rich. You have someone you love and she loves you back even though you can't fucking see it unless she's shoving her boobs in her face and begging for your dick!"

I was so shocked that I stood up and started yelling right back and she stood up too and soon we were screaming at each other in the middle of the beach and there was a whole crowd gathered around us trying to get us to stop.

We finally stopped and I honestly don't remember everything we screamed at each other because we were both so angry but I know it wasn't good.

Then I looked over to see how Annie was doing and she wasn't there. I screamed for Johanna who was walking away, but she kept ignoring me. "Look, Mason," I screamed. "Annie's gone. So get your head out of your ass and help me look for her because this is just as much your fault as mine.

It's been about an hour and we still haven't found her. We don't know where she could possibly be. Officials have secured the train station and they're checking the records to see if maybe she was able to get a train out of her but they haven't found anything yet.

I feel so dumb. This is all my fault. Johanna is right (though she could have said it a lot nicer) and I really need to just wait for Annie to get better. I remember someone once told me (though I don't remember who) "It's the things we love most that destroy us." That couldn't be any more true with Annie. Our love (or at least my love for her) will lift us up some days, but other days it will completely completely destroy us.

Now I need to go look for her.

Finnick


	49. Day 49

**Day 49**

Today was the last day of The Tide Festival but we didn't even go because first we had to find Annie and we found her at about 2 AM so we were all exhausted and slept all day.

Johanna and I made up when we were looking for Annie. We realized that we're both pretty stubborn people and that we just said all those things because we were angry and frustrated. I told her she was right about Annie though and she nodded and said she could have said it a little more nicely. I'm glad we made up because we needed to set our differences so we could find Annie.

Mags stayed inside and called anyone she could think of. The officials covered the train station and the docks, and I ran around District Four (my ankle is suffering for it today. It's had a bit of a relapse) with Johanna trying to find any places we possibly think Annie could be.

She wasn't in any of her rooms. She wasn't in the yard. She wasn't on the beach. She wasn't with any of our friends. The Officials told us there was no record of her leaving by train or boat so she had to still be in the district.

I was freaking out about where she could be at this point. I had checked all the places we go to frequently. Then I realized, there was a place we used to love to go when we were kids but never go to anymore and she could be there. Johanna asked me where that was and I simply said, "the lighthouse," before running off in that direction.

I ran up all the stairs and she was at the very top. She was just sitting on the floor with her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees. I sat next to her as closely as I possibly could without scaring her. It was best to be calm, so I looked over to her and said, "Hi, Annie." She looked over at me, smiled, and said, "Hi, Finn." Her voice was quiet and raspy, but it was still her voice. "You scared me," I told her. She kissed me on the cheek and muttered, "Sorry, Finn," before leaning her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and we sat there looking at the stars and the lights in the distance.

Johanna eventually found us and I could hear her sigh in relief. "I hate to interrupt your reunion but we should get back to Mags before she worries," she told us.

Mags was so happy to see Annie and none of us were tired so she made us pancakes and then we all settled in and watched a movie. We didn't go to bed until 4 AM but it felt nice. I felt at peace.

I woke up today at noon and we decided to just skip the festival. The last day is never that fun anyway. I think I'm going to see if Annie or Johanna is up. I feel like today is going to be a good day.

Finnick


	50. Day 50

**Day 50**

I took Finnick's laptop and he doesn't know I'm writing this. I came into his room and he was sleeping and his laptop was at the foot of his bed so I opened it and all of his blog posts popped on the screen. I woke up really early today for some reason so I spent the last few hours sitting in the chair by his bed reading his posts and constantly checking on him while he sleeps. It sounds dumb, but he looks beautiful when he sleeps. His hair is curly and the small stream of sunlight coming from the space in the curtains makes his bronze hair shine and look golden. He looks younger too, like someone found the rewind button and turned him twelve again. Before the games. Before the pain. Before everything. He didn't have the best life then either, but it was better than this. Anything is better than this.

I'm surprised it's so easy to write. When I got the strange urge to write this morning I thought my words were going to come out all jumbled like my thoughts have been. But now that I'm sitting here, typing on Finnick's laptop, the keys feel nice and soft on my fingers and the clicking calms me and the words just come easily.

I'm afraid Finnick is going to wake up soon and I don't want him to get angry with me. I'm going to figure out how to post this.

Thanks for reading.

Annie


	51. Day 51

**Day 51**

I didn't write yesterday for obvious reasons. As soon as I saw that I had already posted yesterday I clicked on the post and saw it was Annie. Then I ran to her and hugged her and started crying. She just hugged me back and said nothing but I know she understands how happy it made me. I would never be mad at her for that.

I called Beetee and he was very excited over the progress. He told me to hold off on the asking out still. I wasn't even really think about that; I was just so happy that she seems to getting better. The Annie before the games always loved to write, and if she can write well enough then that's definitely a step in the right direction.

I'm sorry for the horrible post. It's also probably the last one from me because this is Annie's blog. Thanks for being such attentive readers. You stuck around even through my drama and complaining and everything else. Thanks.

I'm sure you'll hear about me but maybe not directly from me so goodbye.

Finnick


	52. Day 52

**Day 52**

I apologize if you prefer Finnick to me and I apologize if you choose to no longer read this blog because I am now posting instead of Finnick. It does not bother me a bit. I am writing solely for my own comfort because it helps to calm the incessant jumble in my head.

I hate it. Thinking I mean. Speaking too. Why don't I speak? I've been somewhere else since I got out of the arena. A place where scenes flash across my mind at a rapid pace. I can no longer tell what is real and what is the past and what never happened at all. The thoughts and the scenes sometimes render me unable to move when they get really bad.

It's a little easier. I think being around people I love and trust helps me. I am able to tell a little more if something is real. Finnick helps me. When he's there, I'm calm. The net helped me too. When I tied those knots it was like I was able to break through from the images and that's why I was able to concentrate and speak to Finn. Even though it was only two words it made everyone so happy. That's the strange thing about language; two words can hold so much meaning.

Three words can hold so much meaning too.

I've read Finn's posts. I know. I've always known. Though I sometimes feel like it's just a phase or he's just confused.

Who could be taken with a crazy girl like me?

Certainly not someone like him.

I am up early again. I think I'm going to take a walk on the beach to quiet the thoughts and halt the images. They are getting to be strong again.

I will write more tomorrow. I promise to keep up what Finnick started for me.

Annie


	53. Day 53

**Day 53**

Nothing really interesting has been happening lately. Though I suppose everything is interesting to Mags and Finnick because I'm finally starting to become who I used to be. I don't think I'll ever be that girl again. I hope that's okay.

That's the good and bad thing about life. Certain events will change us forever. The happy events change us for the better and the sad ones for the worse; at least, that's how it is most of the time. I've been changed completely because of the games and because of my dad's death. They have left wounds that will never heal; wounds that I'm not so sure I even want to heal completely, because that would mean forgetting and I don't want to forget.

I've found much solace in the lighthouse lately. I would go up there to type but I'm afraid I would damage my laptop. I go up there a lot to think. There's a little overhang up at the top and it's completely open and there's a large metal rail spanning across the overhang so no one falls. When I first saw it, I was afraid it would make me feel trapped, but instead it made me feel safe.

I really like the view from the lighthouse. It's the tallest point on District Four and when you're up in that overhang you can see the entire expanse of sea, stretching out for miles and miles, and then at some very distant point, just when you think it wouldn't end, it meets the horizon and the two travel on forever as a pair.

I also love what the lighthouse represents. It's this large, strong structure which is a sign of land ahead for those who were out at sea. After all those sailors are out in the unpredictable waters, there's the lighthouse there to guide them and welcome them home. It is a symbol of strength located at the edge of unpredictable tides as it provides navigational guidance and bright light in a storm. It will always stand as a reassuring sign of steady ground, serving as a symbol of hope for all looking to move forward safely.

Most days I love to go up there for the sunrises and sunsets. I've seen many sunrises and many sunsets but I never get tired of them. I think I want to see every sunrise and every sunset of every day for the rest of my life to remind myself that even at the end of the worst day, there is something beautiful there to remind us all that there is still good in the world and even after what may seem like the longest and darkest time, there is still a sunrise at the end of it to pull us out and light us up.

District Four and all that is in it is my source of strength. It reminds me that no matter how alone I feel, no matter how lost I get, I always have a home and people I love and who love me to go back to. It's my home and there's no place I'd rather be.

Annie


	54. Day 54

**Day 54**

I've been enjoying this blog, but at the same time I haven't been. I love that I'm able to clear my mind just by typing and focusing on the click of the keys, but I also feel like there's something missing.

Finnick has been distant lately. Maybe that's it. I think maybe the blog was helping him deal with his own problems too and now I've taken it away from him. I know he's happy for me; I can see that. But he's my best friend, so I can also see that deep within, he's hurting.

I think he's conflicted over his possible feelings for me. Sometimes I wish I could say something to him. I wish I could walk up to him and kiss him and say, "I love you, Finnick Odair," and we can be happy. But I'm not even completely sure myself. I feel like everything has been one big question lately.

This post is short but I think I've realized what is missing and there's something I need to do. If it goes well, maybe tomorrow will bring a big surprise.

Annie


	55. Day 55

**Day 55**

Today I'm going to be doing things a little differently and if I like it and you guys like it, we'll keep it this way. Beetee so kindly came over to District Four today to help me with some technical issues. I'm from Four, so basically we're some of the worst people in Panem when it comes to technology. The worst may be Eleven or Twelve but that's probably because they can't afford it. Otherwise, it's Seven because they just never use technology. They just resent it completely or something.

Anyways, Beetee came over and now I think he's going to stay for a little while. I think he's really pleased with my progress. Sometimes he irks me because I feel he takes everything so scientifically and I feel like I'm just an experiment to him. Finnick says that's just the way he thinks and it's not his fault; it's the way his brain is wired. I understand. Sometimes people can't help things because it's a force of habit and it's hard to change it even if you want to.

Okay, I'm getting really off topic. The reason Beetee had to help me is because I asked him if there was a way to connect two or more laptops so that the two laptop users can edit the same document simultaneously. He then proceeded to say yes and he used some really big words to describe what I was referring to. I didn't understand so he took an express train out here this morning and put some chip in my laptop and Finnick's laptop so now we can work on the blog post at the same time.

That's what I realized was missing yesterday; it was Finnick. I realized I had taken something away from him that he really enjoyed when I took over the blog. Also, what's the fun of something if you can't enjoy it with your best friend? So with the technological help of our dear friend, Beetee, who knows way more about computers than we will ever know, we will now be able to write these blog posts together. And isn't that what friendship is really all about?

**I hate to interrupt your heartfelt little message, but I'd like to try this out. **Oh! The bold type you see over there is Finnick. It works! That's so cool. **Beetee is laughing at us right now because we're acting like kids in a candy store over this new technology and he's probably known how to do this since he was seven. **All jokes aside, I'm really glad you're here, Finn. **Me too, Ann. I really missed this. It's so strange because I hated writing in school but this is different. **

Lately we haven't been up to much. I'm not complaining, honestly. I was exhausted after The Victory Tour and The Tide Festival because they occurred so close together and so much happened in such a short period of time. I think I'm a fan of just taking a little hiatus and staying indoors and getting away from all the crowds and media. **I second that. **Don't you have to go back to The Capitol soon? **Unfortunately. In three days I think. **Well, you can post from The Capitol. **I might pass. I don't want to get in trouble or anything. I try to keep things on the down low when I'm on business. **Okay, that's understandable. I can get Mags or Johanna to write with me if they want. Mags says she likes telling stories to "the people in the computer" and I think Johanna likes the creative outlet, though she doesn't admit it. **Johanna never admits anything. **She's a closed book. **A locked gate. **Clammed up. **Is that a sea pun? **Maybe… **OH! CAN I TELL MY SEA JOKES? **Oh, please don't. We don't want to torture the readers. **Please? **Do you have to? **Just one… **Fine. But only one. **If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? **Oh, this is a new one. Please don't, Finnick. Please save my sanity. **Finland! **That was worse than I expected. **Don't offend the writers of The Seatastic Book of Jokes. Those guys are geniuses. **Finn, I hate to rain on your parade but we should probably wrap this up. We promised to take that walk along the beach with Beetee and Johanna in ten minutes and we're still in PJs. **Eh, screw the system! I shall take a walk in my pajama pants if I please! **Finn… **Fine! Let's sign off.**

Annie

**Why can't I go first? Alphabetical order! **

I would be first.

**By first name…**

I would still be first.

**Finnick (haha beat you to it)**

You're twelve.

**Finnick **and Annie


	56. Day 56

**Day 56**

The post from yesterday got a pretty good response yesterday. **What can I say? The people love me. **Do you want your blog privileges taken away, Finn? **Please no. **As I was saying, we'll probably continue blogging like this because not only do the readers like it, but we also enjoy it. **It's a lovely life to sit in a room with your best friend in pajamas at 2 PM on laptops with instant macaroni and cheese. **I second that.

**Yesterday we went to the beach with Johanna and Beetee and walked around for an hour or so. That was a lot of fun. I feel like we're such a band of misfits; we four Victors. Johanna kept picking up big rocks and chucking them in the sea and Beetee was analyzing the pattern the waves made and I was working on a series of knots on this rope as I walked and Annie just clung onto me and stared out into the distance.**

I've been trying to speak more but I have yet to figure out what causes the images and thoughts to go away so I can speak. All the times I've spoken the thoughts have disappeared and I was in control of them and I could speak. I haven't been able to do that again. **Don't put too much pressure on yourself. It will happen when you're ready. **But I feel like I am ready! I really want to talk to you! I want to be able to speak to you and laugh with you and feel normal again but I know it's not that easy and it's so frustrating to me! **It will happen in time, Annie. **You don't understand, Finnick. You don't understand how frustrating it is. **I think I have an idea. I went through the games too, you know. **It's not the same. You had it easy. You had all those people falling at your feet the minute you stepped into that arena. All you had to do was snap your fingers and people would scrounge together their entire life savings so you could get a parachute. I almost died in that area. I thought I was going to die. You had a safety net the entire time. The Capitol would have never allowed you to die. **They had no control over the other tributes. I very well could have been stabbed or something. **You were too smart for that. You had the whole arena wired. I hid for most of my games. Aiden was the only one I had and even then I was terrified he was going to kill me in my sleep. But I trusted him because he was from home and sometimes there's nothing you can do but trust people even if you don't want to. And then he went and died in front of me and I could barely think straight but and I almost gave up and surrendered and just let them kill me but then the arena flooded and I somehow found that drive to live and now I'm out and it's still not easy. When you're out you were praised. You were their sweetheart. I'm just the mad girl. That's all they see me as. No one wants me alive. And if that wasn't bad enough I can't even feel safe in my own body because my thoughts are constantly making me scared and I can't control them and I feel like a burden to everyone. You came home and threw a few rocks in the ocean and then tied some knots until your fingers bled and went to the Capitol all those weekends to get drunk at these fantastic parties and then sleep with these interesting and beautiful women. **I can't even believe you, Annie Cresta. I can't even believe you would say things like that. It wasn't easy for me. I lost my mother and then got reaped. I was the youngest tribute in that arena. I was suicidal and completely considered throwing myself off the pedestal and the only thing that kept me from not doing that was realizing I still had you and Mags. Then I had to fight against all these older girls and boys. I had no allies because I trusted none of them and the only sponsor gift I got was the trident which was definitely a game changer, but come on, the games are definitely staged to some point. You of all people should know that. They flooded the arena, Annie. Someone must have wanted you to win. And then I came home and I felt like I could barely communicate with my best friend because her mindset was still in Four and I din't want to tell her anything about the arena because I didn't want to put that burden on her. So I kept all of the thoughts bottled up inside and beat myself up every moment of the day about it because I felt like I should have taken the chance to die when I had it. It wouldn't have hurt those I loved as much if they didn't know it was suicide. But I did become obsessed with suicide at some point. Those knots were usually practice for making nooses and the lighthouse became an easy way out and the rocks I threw were to see how long it would take me to sink to the bottom. I don't want to talk about this anymore.**

Me neither. I'm sorry I yelled at you. **Me too. **I'm glad you were truthful with me though. **You know, me too. **Should we post this? **Yeah. I think people need to realize the truth. **The truth sucks. **Yeah, but we'll get through it together. **Let's sign off. You first. **No, you go.**

Annie** and Finnick**


	57. Day 57

**Day 57**

Sorry for the outburst yesterday. We both got a little frazzled and then just blew up. **It kind of turned out better because we both got things off of our chest and also it brings awareness to you guys. We're trying to lower the expectations you guys have of us. Victors are not these untouchable people who are perfect. We're far from perfect and I think it's time people learn that. **I don't understand why people idolize Victors. I mean I guess it's not their fault. They're kind of forced into doing it. But the people in The Capitol are obsessed with Victors. They think they do no wrong. We killed people and went through all this trauma in the arena and then we came out shells of our former selves. Everyone breaks in that arena. No one wins. They only survive.** I hate to interrupt your very valid argument but I think we should try and lighten the discussion a bit. Our post was very heavy yesterday and I think we should have a little fun instead of being downers all the time. **

Tomorrow is Mags's birthday! **It is!?** Finnick! You forget this every single year! **You need to remind me better. **I put notes on your night stand every single day. **Who has time for reading? I probably used them as napkins. **You're impossible. I need help planning. Johanna and Beetee already have a lot of it taken care of but I'm going to put you in charge of balloons because those have to be ordered from The Capitol and you have the most influence in that area. **Will they get here in time? **You have to order them tonight at about 8 PM and they need to come by express train and then they're going to blow them up tomorrow morning and leave them in the old barn behind Tara Laterty's house and then we'll tie them all out and figure out how to get them to the house. Johanna is going to keep Mags out of her house all day so we can decorate. **Why can't we just have it here? Or at my house? **Mags has had all of her birthdays in her house since she lived there. I don't want to change that. **How old is she? Has she hit 100 yet? **Finnick… **No seriously. 99? 101? **I'm not answering that. **She's got to be at least 98. **She's not that old, Finn. **Well, she looks 96 at least… **I'm ignoring you. **Is she 95 then? **Goodbye, Finnick. **93? Really?**

Annie **and Finnick**


	58. Day 58

**Day 58**

Happy birthday to Mags! **Woo! 107! **Finnick, don't be rude. She's only 78. **I'm kidding, Ann. I blame the alcohol. **You had two shots. **I think I'm drunk. **You're not drunk. I've seen you drunk. **Maybe the almost alcohol poisoning weakened my alcohol tolerance. **You're being a hypochondriac. **That's a big word. **I thought you were twelve but I think you digressed to ten. **You're younger than me. **But I act older. Act your age. **There's no fun in that. **

Anyways, it's pretty late. We partied practically all day. The party went pretty smoothly. Except for the balloons. Hmm… I wonder who was in charge of balloons… **Don't look at me. **You had one job, Finnick! **I ordered online and accidentally put in an extra zero so instead of 100 balloons they brought 1000. **And they already had them blown up so we had no place to store them and the barn behind Tara's house was too small so we had to use the big warehouse and then we just ended up having the entire party in the warehouse. **Which actually worked out better because it looked nice and there was a lot of room and we found a family of cats in the warehouse. **The kittens were just born! They're so cute! I want one! **Mags said no. **I still want one. That little light sand colored one with the bright blue eyes is adorable. He reminds me of the beach. I'll probably go visit them and bring them food. **Cats weird me out. I always feel like they're out to get me. **Cats are adorable. I think I like them better than dogs. They seem to get me.

The party was really nice though. Except Lena Dunham showed up uninvited. **Alex Alterman invited her. **I thought Alex was a good guy. Why would he bring Lena? **What do you have against Lena? **What do you like about Lena? **She was really sweet to me. **She was hitting on you. **No she wasn't. **Why are you so bad at telling when girls are flirting with you? **Maybe she flirts with everyone. **She probably does, but that doesn't change the fact that she was flirting with you. **Annie Cresta, are you jealous? **No. Not all, are you crazy? I'm just being a friend and informing you that a girl was flirting with you and if you like her or something then you should ask her out. **I do need to get out there. I haven't been out on a date since before my games. At least ones that count. Most of my dates were with people from The Capitol and I don't count those because I don't have feelings for them. **You have feelings for Lena? **I mean, she's pretty and sweet and you said she's interested in me, so why not ask her out? I have to go to The Capitol tomorrow so I should probably go to bed soon but maybe I'll call her up and ask her out and we'll go out when I get back from business. Bye, readers. I'm going to go do that.**

What have I done? I mean I never fully believed Finnick liked me. I think it was just a phase, but I kind of think I like him and now he's going to date Lena and I know I have no say in it but I don't know if I'm okay with that. Maybe she'll say no. I should go to bed. I'm exhausted.

Annie


	59. Day 59

**Day 59**

Last night Finnick called Lena and asked her out on a date and she said yes of course. You would have to be crazy to say no to Finnick Odair. **You said no to Finnick Odair. **Oh, just so you know, Johanna is on Finnick's laptop for this post. **I would be on my own laptop but I don't own one. **How did I say no to Finnick? Finnick never asked me out. **He has been dying to ask you out since the Victory Tour but Beetee keeps telling him not to. And you know he likes you. Why can't you just ask him out yourself? **Finnick doesn't like me. **And my ass is green. **Why must you speak in such vulgar terms? **Because Finnick Odair is love with you. Congratulations, you managed to tie down the most eligible bachelor in all of Panem. **He's going out with Lena Dunham. **To make you jealous. Look, it worked. **I'm not jealous. **And the sky is yellow. Honey, just admit that you can't stand the thought of Finnick going on a date with Lena. **He's my friend and I don't want him to get hurt. **But isn't it much more than that? **I don't want to talk about this, Johanna. **What do you want to do then? Plan your wedding? **Cut it, Johanna. **Fine. What do you want to talk about? We don't talk that much. And I'm not just saying that because you don't talk. **I've never had many friends who were girls. **Well don't ask me. Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I know all there is to know about girls. **Let's talk about that. I've known a lesbian before. **Not a lot of people have. Many of them are afraid to show their true selves because they're afraid of the prejudice they'll face. They're not any different than normal people. No gay people are. I wish more people knew that. I've read books. Ones that should probably be banned but aren't. Apparently in what Panem used to be, I think it was called The United States, they finally started to accept gays but now we've regressed. **I accept you. **I know. But sometimes it isn't enough. And how can I learn to get used to other people accepting me when I can barely accept myself? **You should have better self esteem. You're beautiful and funny and smart and usually pretty confident. **So you see. **Ainsley seems to be into you. **We're just friends. **Sure you are. **I like her but I doubt she's into me. **Not with that attitude she won't be. She would be lucky to have you. You should ask her out. **Maybe. **Good. **On one condition. **What? **You ask Finnick out. **He's going out with Lena. **Doesn't mean they're exclusive. **I'm not asking Finnick out. There's no future there. **That's a great story to tell your kids one day. **If I say yes will you seriously consider asking Ainsley out? **I'm nervous. **Johanna Mason, one of the most terrifying girls in Panem (when you don't know her too well), is nervous about asking a girl out? **I've never asked anyone out before. **Join the club. We'll do it together. **So you'll do it? **Will you? **I'm going home tomorrow. I'll do it then. But even if she says no you still have to ask Finnick. **Deal. **I think we bonded. **I think so too. Let's sign off now. I'm getting tired of sitting around.

Annie and **Johanna**


	60. Day 60

**Day 60**

I think this is going to be a short post because I'm really exhausted and it's late. Johanna has yet to call me and tell me if she asked Ainsley out so I'll keep you updated on that. Finnick is in The Capitol and I miss him a lot. He hasn't been away for a while. Also my thoughts have been more cluttered lately. Maybe it's because Finnick isn't here.

Mags was going to collaborate on this post, but she went to bed because I forgot about this post. Today was just a lazy day. I stayed in pajamas and read and wrote a few little blurbs about nothing. I miss Finnick. Luckily he comes back soon.

He has his date with Lena when it comes back and it really bothers me. I'm not even completely sure why. I don't think I like him and yet I'm still jealous. I'm tired and my head is swimming and I'm going to go to bed.

Annie


	61. Day 61

**Day 61**

Finnick is on his date as we speak. I'm restless and can barely concentrate. I don't know why it bothers me so much. It shouldn't. Yeah, he's my friend, but I should want him to be happy and if Lena makes him happy then that should make me happy. But it doesn't. I guess I'm almost jealous, and I don't even think it's because I'm attracted to him. I mean, that could still be a possibility; but what it all boils down to is Finnick has always been my rock, especially lately, and if he dates Lena then he'll start spending all his time with her and I won't have him to keep me sane anymore. I'm being selfish, but I'm hoping it's for a good reason.

Johanna called me today. She asked Ainsley out and she said yes! They have to be a little careful with how close they act in public because they don't want to get any hate for being lesbians, but other than that, they're going to go on a date. I'm incredibly happy for them. Johanna hasn't had it easy and it's been really tough for her since she won her games. The media is constantly nitpicking everything she does, especially with her sexuality. I don't see what the big deal is. The media doesn't constantly spotlight straight people, so why do they do it with gay people? I guess everyone is just afraid of what's different.

Finnick is probably not going to get back until late but I'm going to wait for him. I can't sleep until I know he's home and safe. I think I might work on a drawing or something. The typing of the keys usually calms me but right now it's making me nervous. I'm sure Finnick will fill you in on the events of his date tomorrow.

Annie


	62. Day 62

**Day 62**

We're back **and better than ever. **We're also complete dorks. **They love us. **It's early. **It's 12. **Yeah but you came back late and I waited up for you so I figured we would sleep later. **I didn't ask you to wait up for me. **I know, I wanted to. Anyways, tell them how your date went.

**Oh yeah! My date went really well. They were showing a movie on the beach last night at 10 PM so I took her there. We got fish and seaweed rolls first and then we went to the beach and ate on a blanket and then we waited for it to get dark and when it got dark they started the movie. I was really nervous the whole time because I haven't been on a date in a really long time and I guess this kind of counts as my first date because most of my other dates were before my games and I was so young then. Anyways, I didn't know when I should make a move. Contrary to popular belief, I do not have as much real experience with girls as many think. A lot of it is staged stuff that I do in The Capitol, not stuff that I do with girls I really have feelings for. About halfway through the movie we held hands and we held them for the rest of the movie. Well, not really held; my hand hand was cupped over hers. Then after the movie we took a walk down the beach and that was nice. We just talked and she told me about her family and her siblings. It was hard though because we don't really have much in common. We're the same age but she was never reaped and none of her family was ever reaped and she grew up in the town so there's also that social divide that is sometimes hard to overcome. But we did kiss when I dropped her off at her house so I'm thinking that maybe she likes me. We'll see. **

**Annie, you've been quiet. Are you okay? **I'm fine. I was letting you tell your date story. **Well, I'm done now. **I think I'm going to go to my room. I have a headache. **Okay, let's sign off and I'll come with you. **No, you continue writing. I just need to be alone.

**That was weird. I hope she's okay. I hope she's not getting sick or something. The date was good though but I'm afraid that our differences may make it hard for us to connect. I really just need to get out there. I'm also hoping to get my mind off of Annie because I don't think any good can come from liking Annie. It would just create too much of a problem for the both of us. I should probably go check on her.**

**Finnick**


	63. Day 63

**Day 63**

Finnick and I were kind of distant today. I miss him, but I also don't really want to be around him. I don't know why reading about him and Lena bothered me so much. It shouldn't bother me, but like I said in the post two days ago, I almost feel like I'm jealous of him.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I sometimes talk to Mags about things, but lately I've been feeling really distant from her; like I can't talk to her about things. It's not her fault; it's all me. I've been so distant from almost everyone lately. Finnick always talks to Beetee when he's upset about things but I'm not close with Beetee like that. I love Johanna dearly, but there are certain things that I feel uncomfortable talking to her about because she makes me nervous and gets kind of hostile sometimes. I don't think she means it, but she makes me anxious.

WAIT! Talking about Johanna just reminded me of something. We made a deal. I have to ask Finnick out. She asked Ainsley out so I have to ask Finnick out but Finnick is dating Lena. What should I do? That just brings a whole new wave of stress to my head.

Changing subjects to keep me calm. Not much progress. I don't really speak. I want to, but it just doesn't come very naturally. Mags is thinking about taking me to a speech therapist, but the thought of being under intense investigation like that makes me really nervous. I don't like people who study me like I'm an object or something.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and though I'm not completely ready to accept it, I think I like Finnick. You know, like that. I don't know. I guess maybe I always did, but now lately it's come to the surface. I guess he crept up on me.

I'm tired.

Annie


	64. Day 64

**Day 64**

Annie and Finnick are being little bitches so I'm writing for them. If you didn't already know, this is Johanna. So, Finnick and Annie are barely talking because Finnick is being a shit and keeps running his mouth about Lena even though I'm 172% sure he doesn't even like her and Annie is being a little wuss and won't ask him out even though I'm 172% sure she likes him and we also had a bet.

So in short my friends are wusses and I'm kind of pissed at them because they don't know a good thing when they have it. They're both completely and totally in love and they're the only ones who don't realize it and if they keep going around trying to make each other jealous or whatever they're just going to screw up not only their potential relationship but also their friendship.

And I can't have my two best friends not be friends anymore so I need to take action.

Johanna


	65. Day 65

**Day 65**

Annie here. I'm back. Sorry. Yesterday was… rough. I spent the whole day in my room. It was like old times. Right after the games when everything was loud and flashing and nothing could stop it.

Finnick isn't doing too well either. I don't know what's up with him. He won't talk to me and he won't come out of his room. Mags says he just doesn't feel well and he needs to be left alone but I know it goes deeper than that. I almost feel like he's going back to that place. He hasn't been there in a while, but depression isn't a defined sickness. It can be away for years and then come back without any warning. I don't know why he'd be back there; why he'd be feeling down. He has so much to be happy for. He has Lena.

I just miss my friend. We used to go through this together. I was there when he would lay on the beach and try to cut his wrists with sea glass that wasn't quite smooth yet. I was there when he tied knots until his fingers bled. I was there when his mother died and he almost jumped off the ledge of the lighthouse. And he's been here for me. That's what friends do. They're always there for each other. It's like a mental contract you sign when you become friends. You go through everything together and all I want to do is be there for them. Maybe I'll see if I can check on him.

Annie


	66. Day 66

**Day 66**

Finnick hasn't come out of his room for two days now. Mags leaves food outside his door and he takes it when we're not around. He doesn't eat much, but he eats.

Mags says we just need to leave him alone but I don't think that's the best idea. When I get the way he is now, I am so overcome with loneliness that sometimes it's good to have people. I also get so nervous leaving him alone in a room that long. I don't even know what brought about this all of a sudden and I'm afraid if he doesn't talk about it or get it off his chest he might do something drastic; something that can't be reversed.

I'm actually sitting against his door as I type this. I'm hoping maybe he'll come out to check for food or something so I can see him. It makes me lonely too. I miss him. I mean, I have Johanna but that's not the same. Also, she's going home soon for her date with Ainsley. She told me not to ask Finnick out right now. I couldn't even if I tried. I haven't spoken to him for days.

Sometimes I don't understand Mags's methods. I don't see why letting him sit in a dark room for days is going to help him. Maybe she's hoping it will just pass and he'll come out and be perfectly normal in a day or two. I think it's much greater than that though. I don't know what brought this on and I'm really worried.

I'm going to knock on his door and see if there's an answer.

Annie


	67. Day 67

**Day 67**Finnick opened the door last night and you could see the relief flood through his face. It was almost like he was glad I was there, which felt weird because he had been the one who was closed off in his room for days. I guess sometimes people don't realize what they want until they get it.

Then he hugged me without saying a word and when we pulled apart he was crying. I don't know what's wrong with him and I wish I could help but I wasn't able to say a word to him and he didn't say a word to me so we just sat on his bed and he lay his head in my lap and cried. I played with his hair which helped calm him a little.

He fell asleep and I stayed with him and as I was laying in the darkness alone with my thoughts, I got kind of angry. Where was Lena for all of this? She's dating him I guess (I'm not really sure how all this works) but even if she was just his friend she would have come to see if he's okay. He's been shut in his room for days completely hysterical over something and she hasn't so much as called. Johanna has been keeping her space but she still cares and Beetee has called almost every day and says he's taking a train out here if he doesn't get better in a few days. I hope Finnick can see who his real friends are.

Mags got kind of mad at me when she saw me in his room but I couldn't explain to her why I was there. I hope she didn't think we did it or something. We just slept in the same bed. Mags has been acting strange lately. I don't know why she wants to keep Finnick and me away from each other. I wonder if Johanna or Beetee knows. I just don't know why things took such a turn for the worse lately.

One thing I did forget to mention which was actually pretty important. When Finnick fell asleep last night I kissed him on his head and all of a sudden I was able to speak. I just smiled at him and whispered, "I know you're in there." I don't know exactly what it means, but I liked it.

He's my best friend and he's in there somewhere.

Annie


	68. Day 68

**Day 68**

I'm really sorry for the short horribly crappy entry but it's actually almost midnight and I totally forgot to blog today. I got up really late and Finnick's door is locked and I don't know where Mags is and no one is answering their house phones and Johanna went back to Seven for her date with Ainsley and I don't know what to do. I keep banging on Finnick's door and I'm not entirely sure if he's in there and I don't know where Mags is and I don't know what to do. I think I have to call the officials. You'd think Mags would leave a note.

Annie


End file.
